The Wisdom Of Nature

I spent a four day weekend with my husband and son in Baxter State Park...it has been much to long since I have been enfolded in the power of Mother Nature.  It was what I needed right now, at this present moment. It has been so long, that at one point, on one of our walks, I felt the stillness and quiet actually crawl up inside me and start a healing process and a slowing down.  I had a clear vision, for the first time in a long time of where I want to go and what I want to do.  So many gifts are found walking softly in the forest of life. So much to channel if we pay attention to those gifts we are shown in the world of nature.

The photo of the Eagle above is a rare gift.  I know that and I appreciate the dance it shared with me.  I appreciated seeing it teach it's young how to fend for themselves now.  Ah but the young mimic the youth of today and one  baby squawked at it's Mom, loud and clear and she just ignored him.  I have never witness such Mothering love in the wild before.  Finally the Mom had had enough and flew from the tree. She approached the water from behind me and I only was able to capture her leaving with the fish...I did not see her catch it but the gift of this photo will always be a treasure of my time spend re-uniting with Nature in the deep woods of our beloved Maine.  Way up in Millinocket...on  South Twin Lake.  Next to Baxter State Park.

I felt the earth envelope my feet, and make me strong enough to walk through the seasons of life. I was breathing in the fresh air cleaned by thousands and thousands of trees, a natural air filter.  I felt the warmth of the sun on my face without the harsh winds and I saw gifts from the forest floor.  Turning leaves of red maple, orange mushrooms that look like toad stools. Signs that summer will soon give way to Autumn.  Pine and oak and fresh scents that hold you in their perfume.  Ponds, lakes, rivers and streams.  Clean, fresh water without polutens.  Clouds, blue sky and even some rain drops...and it all came back.  My love of knowing I needed the woods.  To be rejuninate with its powers of concentration and relaxation.

Maybe I can't get way up to Baxter often but the woods are in my own back yard.  All I need to do is go there. Go there more often. To get center and breath in life to set my internal clock.  Perhaps if I go often enough, I will soar like the Eagle again...and feed my soul.

Happy Birthday Chris...thanks for still walking with me and Dad...and thanks also for understanding and loving Mother Nature...she has been good to us and for us...love you.

Take My Heart With You..

I love you, yes I do, my little boys with your eyes of blue...I love you everyday, when you come to my house and play. This is the song that I made up for "the boys", five years ago.  From that verse I always added some more silly verses, whatever came into my head...but it always started this way.  It's what we sang at nap time or any time they needed to be rocked and comforted.  It was the perfect song for them, with their bright blue eyes.  It was also the perfect song for me because I have loved every minute of everyday that they came to my house and played.  I have been so fortunate to have had them each week. First Liam, from a tiny newborn...five days a week in the beginning.  Then Jaxson joined us for these past three years. Our adventures together will sustain me forever...and I hope, in their little tiny heads and hearts, they two will remember us and our adventures...the adventures won't stop completely, but they will change.

The big yellow school bus will be taking Liam on adventures now.  So many new things to learn and see and experience.  He was so excited to go.  He is ready.  He will do well.  Like any Mom or Nana though, I won't be there to heal any hurts or give him choices on what he likes and wants to do.  I won't be there to wipe his bum, he'll have to learn to do that for himself now...and who will kiss him when he falls, gets hurt or just needs reassurance.  I think I am having a harder time letting go than he is.  Five years of his happy smiles. Long, wonderful conversations, walks in the woods and taking our cameras for a walk together, over in a split second.  Those naps we shared, they will surely be missed.  Snuggles with stuffies, stories of scary things that go bump in the night and just watching him sleep in all his beauty.  It is not easy to give those things up..I'll miss the muddy shoes by the door.  It' the first thing both boys do when they come in.  Off go the shoes and then I line them up.  I know it will take me weeks to stop buying so much juice and snacks...slowly though, I will learn.  I will learn to live with quieter days and a cleaner sink and toilet.  I won't like it though.  One cannot stop the hands of time.  Little hands have to move on and we must encourage them to be brave and strong as they make their way...I don't have one bit of doubt that Liam will do fine.  He loves people and he loves learning...and going forward, with the time that we do have him on Tuesdays, I will love hearing all about his big boy days.

Jaxson, little tiny Jaxson marches off today to pre-school.  As much as I hate to see him go, I know what a gift it is that he is taking this very big step.   I remember three years ago when his only job was to fight and fight he did and now he shines in his own right as he walks across that line to learn.  It's with a heart full of gratitude that I let him go and spread his tiny wings. We are still fortunate enough to have him to ourselves on Tuesday's..Just like we had Liam to ourselves before Jaxson came along.  I'm looking forward to that. The gift of alone time for a year, maybe two.  He will have a big job here now that Liam is at school.  He will be the sole provider of hugs, kisses, naps, walks and camera shooting.  Yes, he is starting to learn also. We will still be able to have lunch together and go to his favorite store,  Barnes and Noble.  Just him, Papa and I.   Having said all that I think it will be more difficult sending him off.  He still loves to snuggle when he feels bad.  He likes quiet time with his stuffies and he is so used to doing things his own way.  Fortunately, he is only going for two and half hours, 3 days a week. Today is his first full day and I get to pick him up.  I'm sure he will have lots to tell me on our ride home.  I'm so grateful I can hold his little hand for awhile longer...I'm not ready to let go just yet.  I need to listen to his little voice telling me in great detail about all the things that amuse him.  To capture a few more of his expressions and hand jive when a story needs more than just words...and oh please, can I have just a few more months of holding him in my arms as he sleeps.  I'm sure going to miss those moments.  I could also use some more time smelling his baby/little boy smells.  Unruly hair, chocolate face and that excitement and love he shares so freely when waking up from a nap.  Nope, not ready to let go of that either.  I also see a few more car and truck days in our future...

My days have been full of these blue eyed boys..walking with them these past five years have lifted me up, made me happy, gave my life purpose and sometimes, I cried when they cried.  Life doesn't stop though. It marches to its own beat, just as my boys will do now.  I'll reset my schedule to fit theirs with the hopes that no matter how fast they grow, what they choose to do, they will always have the memories that we have created together.  Recently, when Liam and I were talking about him going to school, he did reassure me that " I would always be his best friend".  I loved that he gave me those words and I will hold him to it.  I know there are many more adventures in our future but none can compare to the "time spent" these last five years...so to my two little boys with the eyes of blue...I hope some great adventures come to you.  Today and tomorrow and all your life through...Nana and Papa will always love you...

A Train Ride to Boston

Here it comes Nana...here it comes...as he smiles big and tries to stay behind that yellow line...he has been waiting for this ride for a very long time...he actually reminded me that I said No...many times...but "today you said yes"...So off we all went on the big train to spend the day in Boston.  We are very fortunate that our town is one of the stops for getting into the city...40 minutes and we will be there...but first the ride.

Liam has ridden the train many times.  He practically knows all the stops on the way in but still he loves watching out the window and explaining everything to me as we pass all the highlights.  It's because of Liam that we are taking this trip...you see, it's our last Wednesday with the boys...probably for a very long time..Liam starts kindergarten next week and in our town, it's an all day affair, five days a week.  So as a special treat we took the boys to Boston...but you know, I've learned over the years, that we never take the boys anywhere, they always take us.  We just go along for the fun.  

So the train is now on it's way and Jaxson is talking to Papa...but as you can see Papa is busy doing I don't know what...but I had to include this photo because honestly, the look on Jaxson face, is priceless..and just so sweet. He loves his Papa so much.

I think when he didn't get Papa's full attention, he decided to take out his own camera and take photo's of the train...yes, each boy has their own camera and Liam is pretty good with his...but Jaxson is still learning...No one tells him to take his finger off the lens...at this point he just likes listening to the click of the shutter...and just so you know...Papa put away the phone after I gave him a little whack/nudge. 

After a wonderful and scenic ride into Town, we had a 15 minute walk to the Rose Kennedy Parkway...just built a few years ago.  It's a lovely place for families to come and be outside...the boys like the water park...and there is plenty of room for picnic's and running around.  Boston is not as big or as crazy as New York but in it's own way it has lots to offer...the best hospitals in the world, museums of the finest quality, lots of outdoor parks and restaurants and world class shopping and stage productions...it also hosts the Boston Gardens and Swan boats, which we did earlier in the year...and the Boston Common. One of our favorite sections though is the North End and that is where we took the boys this day and actually most days when we come into the city...and a little side note...we also claim Fenway Park.  The boys interest today was not on any of those things...it was all about these water fountains squirting up in the air.  Liam's favorite thing to do was to run through them, Jaxson favorite thing was to sit on them...and make the water squirt out his butt....go Jaxson.  So you get the picture...

Then sometimes they would team up and block the jets with their feet...they really had such a great time and the weather was perfect...but now it's getting to be time for some lunch.

After a quick walk to Fanueil Hall, where things are always hopping, we went to Regina Pizza for lunch.When you come to Boston you must have Regina Pizza...the original is on Hanover St...but this one is just as good...the boys love the cheese pizza...and inside Fanueil Hall there is always something going on, usually music..it's a happening place...

This is what was happening today while we were there...all of a sudden to our surprise and joy, the boys heard some very loud noise...and what to their wondering eyes and ears did appear but the US..Navy singing a song...very loud and very lively and very clear, lead by their Captain...marching right though Fanueil Hall. The boys eyes grew bigger and bigger the closer they got...and Liam, being my grandson, got out his camera and got the best shot...Jaxson just stood so still, he was in awe. He raised his hand to say goodbye when they passed...seems the USS Constitution let their employees of the ship today for a little showmanship and advertisment. We just loved it..those big booming voices.

After such a long and busy day...we really needed to start our walk back to get the train to go home...but you cannot come to Boston without going to Hanover St...for Gelato..so back through the park and down to the Italian section of town...where people still shop everyday in the hood.  I have a favorite tea and spice shop that I visit each time I come to the city...I can close my eyes and the smell in that shop takes me to a time where I can envision what the neighborhood would have been like...I've been coming to the North End since I was 16 years old..Jim went to school here and lived in the North End...oh but that's another story for another day...back to the boys and their Gelato...the perfect way to end this wonderful, memory filled day. Liam is falling alseep at the table...good thing we brought the carriage...

So, a train ride to Boston with the two boys.  I wonder when it will happen again..Liam is going to big boy school and his Nana is having a hard time with that...I have been so fortunate and I'm so very grateful for all the full time attention I have been able to share with him...I know he is ready and excited.  I am so happy for him but at the same time...I will miss our time together, just him and I and Papa and then Jaxson came along to join us.  We had our own little world and it was beautiful...I told Liam a few weeks back how much I was going to miss him..just having him a few hours a week now...and he didn't skip a beat when he looked at me and said..."it's o.k. Nana, your always going to be my best friend."...I guess that will have to do for now...tears running down my cheeks...

The adventures don't end here though...for a few more years we will have Jaxson.It's his turn now for some one on one with Nana and Papa, just like Liam's before him.and I'm sure he will be taking us places we never dreamed of going, and I'm sure there will be a few more train rides in there for us..

The 911 Memorial... New York

From the beauty of Central Park to the sadness of the newly opened 911 Memorial, our hearts were full. Both events brought with them an all consuming, in the moment, gift.  One of such beauty and light.  Laughter and brightness.  A sign of hope and renewal each season and each year.  The other the sadness of loss, the vulnerability of life, the strength of the human spirit and then, like the Park, the signs of renewal.  

On our last day in the City we decided to visit the 911 Memorial..It is an amazing tribute to all that happened on that September day.  It took hours and a slowness that I'm  not usually good at.  I took my time, took it all in and tried to imagine what life must have been like in the United States on 911.  Jim and I were in Venice Italy, a complete contrast to the horror going on here.  So this was my 911 experience and it was chilling..

The very large photo above is what greets you as you enter the lobby of the Memorial.  They are the new reflection towers that rise above the resting places of the former twin towers.  They also reflect in the North Pool and the South pool.  It is a bright, airy entrance, but very quickly it turns dark and dreary and honest.  

As we went down the stairs it got colder and darker and I actually was wondering if I was going to make it through.  In the past, I have been treated for agoraphobia, and sometimes it roars it's ugly head.  This was one of those times.  The crowds were more than I like to share space with and as we descended to the bottom the darkness grew.  I also had no idea of how big, or how long the journey was.  I usually do o.k. if I can find my way out.  I think what happened for me on this journey was, I reached a point of no return, both figuratively and mentally.  I really wanted to be a part of that day, finally.  I wanted to see what you all experienced.  I wanted to see what my kids felt, smelled and saw.  How they survived without either myself or their Dad here to help alleviate their fear.  My hope is that because they only had each other and my Mom that it brought them together on a level that will have so much meaning for them as life goes on. A stronger connection for having shared this horrific event.  So I moved on.  One step at a time.

This was one of the Reflection towers outside of the Memorial building...you can see a bit of the second Reflection tower on the right.  You don't need a map to get here...just look up.

The Reflection towers stand by the two pools, the North Pool and the South Pool...the pools are built where the base of the two towers stood before the attack.  Both pools have the names of the victims embossed in them, the North pool...represent Flight 11.   The south pool represents First Responders, Flight 175, the Pentagon, Fight 77 and Flight 93. It is a sobering experience to see the names and the little holes drilled in next to each name, big enough to hold a flower stem, for anyone who wants to leave one.  My aunt lost her niece on Flight 11, she was the head stewardess so we put a pink rose there for Susan.

This is the before photo as you start your walk down the stairs...inside the Memorial.  New York has always had a beautiful skyline..

This is now looking down into the basement of the tower...I don't remember which one.  The tall center piece list all the names of the fights and rescue equiptment that went in that day.  As we decend, it gets colder and darker.

Now we are in the basement of one of the Towers...they were able to save this in the excavation process...really rather amazing and scary.  The original strength of the tower...still standing.  Of course they had a rail up so that it was not touchable.  

A portrait of the skyline at night.  So beautiful.  A reminded at the bottom of what it used to represent as you entered the city by plane.  

A short distance from the photo above...this shot of the skyline...boats moving in the water...not such a pretty scene...

All along the base of that original basement, with all that steel on the floor bottom, above were photo's and written words of the tragic event and then the process of building this Memorial..by this time I had forgotten my fears and was in this state of sheer amazement at not only the process of what this re-building must have been like but the gratitude for all who took the job on.  For the love of their the city and the people and to show honor to those who gave their life in the great tragedy.  I don't think I have ever been moved so much.

Then came the aritfacts from that day...this is the fire truck from Ladder Company 3. the first truck on the scene I believe...

I'm hoping that you might be able to read this placque...it does explain it better than I could.

This is the back end of Ladder 3.  On the other side the tires were just blown out...I was in tears by this point, trying very hard to hold it together as I thought of what I had missed and I was surely getting the message of how much our world had changed because of this one day in history.

I was drained when we exited the Memorial.  So many thoughts swirling through my head.  When the attack happened and I wasn't here..I could think and process in a less emotional way.  We didn't return for another week.  That is another story for another day...getting on a plane after this event.  As we came back out to sunshine and bright skies, I just breathed in the fresh air..as much as I could get.  I now, on a different scale, felt what my fellow American's felt on that fatal day.  I saw the devastation and the destruction.  I processed it all over again 14 years later with a much different perspective.  Just outside the exit door there is a small dedication plaque...and this beautiful wreath was there to honor all who live beneath these towers. The flowers are replaced on a regular basis...I like to think of it as an honor to all who lost their lives that day but also as a bright reminder that life goes on and beauty can still exist in the ashes of destruction. I had never been prouder to be an American than I was on this day.  So many tragedies both below and above, some still fighting their fight for survival...in the midst of it all New York still stands proud and it retains it's beauty, both in the space here and in it's people.

Back on top, life goes on.  Tall buildings still stand, people going about their daily lives...horns tooting. I was over-stimulted...I'm so glad we came to the Memorial on our last day in the city.  It was all that I could have wanted.  I was also drained and ready to go home to my little tiny town.

One last shot as I walk home to our hotel...real life. It doesn't stop but only for a moment. Work and pleasure is what keeps us strong and alive.  A purpose.  We are all colorful threads, sewn together in the fabric of life. Our purpose in life should be to help each other in difficult times, to be a shoulder to lean on when we think we can't take another step...and together we can build and unify over and over again...New York has so many lessons to teach...one moment, one day, one trip at a time...I'll be back.

I know this is a very long post but I think most of you know that my blog is also my personal journal. Sometimes, something touches me deeply and I can't explain it in a few words or a few photo's...This journey was one of those times...Life is beautiful, I am so fortunate, but sometimes we feel our own pain and sometimes we take on the sorrow of our fellow man.  I felt all of that on this trip.

About the photo's...all of them were taken with the Fuji X-E2...For the most part they are straight out of the camera...except for a bit of adjustment in the exposure and shadows.  None have any filters and only one has a pre-set.  I felt it was really important to share the photo's of the Memorial as real as I could.  I did not want it to be overshadowed by fancy editing.  I feel this way about most of my nature shots...it's just who I am...not to say that I don't use editing for creative purposes, because I do.

I hope you enjoyed my little tour of New York City...a city that never sleeps.  The energy brings such a creative power.  The people, the food and the old fashion neighborhoods where people still sit on the stoop or in little parks, corner stores.  All of this would have reminded me of the "good ole days"...and then along came 911...but like the people that dwell in this city, I to, will not let that day define me.  Life is to be lived...New York, New York...your a HELLA OF A TOWN...

A Hidden Blessing

If we pay close attention we will come to realize

that no day is the same as another.

Every morning brings with it, a hidden blessing....

Paulo Coelho...Life...