Giving Thanks

Tonight at sunset walking on the snowy road,

my shoes crunching on the frozen gravel, first

through the woods, then out into the open fields

past a couple of trailers and some pickup trucks, I stop

and look at the sky. Suddenly: orange, red, pink, blue,

green, purple, yellow, gray, all at once and everywhere.

I pause in this moment at the beginning of my old age

and I say a prayer of gratitude for getting to this evening

a prayer for being here, today, now, alive

in this life, in this evening, under this sky.  David Budbill

I love the dark hours of my being. My mind deepens into them. There I can find, as in old letters, the days of my life, already lived, and held like a legend, and understood. The knowing comes: I can open to another life that's wide and timeless. So I am sometimes like a tree rustling over a gravesite and making real the dream of the one it's living roots embrace: a dream once lost among sorrow and songs.  Rainer Maria Rilke

I remember all the different kinds of years.  Angry, or brokenhearted, or afraid.

I remember feeling like that walking up the mountain along the dirt path to my broken house on the Island.

And long years of waiting in Massachusetts.  The winter walking and the hot summer walking..

I finally fell in love with all of it.: dirt, night, rock and far views.

It's strange that my heart is as full now as my desire was then.   Linda Greg

Reflections on turning 70.  Of where I have been, what is a part of me...Memories kept, just for me.  Where I am going...and coming to peace with aging.  I don't think we have to like the numbers but we should live the life that is given to us...in joy and celebration.  Some never get the chance to be older, some never get a chance to forgive the past and celebrate the future. Enjoy the great memories and finally live in the moment every day...giving thanks for this life of mine...I know it's value and I'm full of gratitude for those who have joined me on this journey now and those that were with me in the past...I sure hope the 70's are going to rock and roll...gotta keep on moving...

Look Who's Two

How can it be...where did the time go...the night of his birth now just a distant memory. The fading away of the stress and worry we endured because of  his frail and delicate birth.  Two years of healing and growing and yes, they said it could be like this, but at the time it seemed hard to believe...Jaxson was born with a spirit like no other child that I personally know...Today when I see how far he has come and how smart and funny he is...I know in my heart of hearts that same spirit was in him when he was born and it is what got him through...he is no wimp this boy of our family..

Today, at two...he runs and plays and picks flowers for his Nana...we watch as Liam plays T-ball.  I watch him learn about life amongst the dandelions, throw away flowers to most but not to Jaxson.  To him they are beautiful and deserve a place in a glass of water on my windowsill and of course we put them there when we go home...And along with picking those flowers, he chats to me about how "pretty" they are.  His speech is well above most children his age...he is charming in his choice of words. and his stories are very entertaining. I, of course, am thrilled at how far he has progressed..It has really been an amazing journey with this boy of light and love.

His eyes are what get you first...and he knows how to use them...then his sweet and loving personality kicks in for added insurance so he can manoeuvre his way around you...and if none of that works, he moves into high gear to let you know he is not happy with your decision.  Now I know, as a parent and now as a grandparent, that you are not suppose to encourage a stand-off with a two year old..but can I just tell you with Jaxson it just works..OMG, the look on his "angry face" is so darn cute and the pouty lips moving into a "raspberry" is just to funny.. Now that he is two I have to turn away and laugh..in one way...he is moving away from this gesture as he grows and learns some rules..and honestly, as much as I know he needs to move on...I will sure miss his spunky attitude..his knowing what he wants and that look on his face.  In defense of him though...he moves out of his "mood" so quickly you wonder...did that really happen...He is such a joyful, happy baby.

Every once in awhile he gives in to the tiredness of his busy schedule and catches a few winks in the car...It's not easy being two and learning the lessons of life.  Fortunately he has his big brother Liam to help him along...and now that Jaxson is "a big boy" they are so much fun to watch together...so when Liam is being quiet in the car...Jaxson folds his hands and tucks them into the seat belt, I like to think he is asking God for more strength for his journey ahead.  To keep him safe and strong.  I love to see him like this and so I capture him.  I capture both him and Liam in so many everyday, anytime situation.  Someday they will have a journal of their young years...or at least that is my hope...but it also is my gift to myself...to be able, as the years move by, to remember all the tiny, everyday things that they have done...and of course the milestones also..

So Happy Second Birthday Jaxson...you deserve all the love that surrounds you.  You give back more than we give and you shine your magic on us each time you visit.  Where did the two years go...they went into the hearts and souls of all of us who know you.  He has built his network from frail beginnings but he is a powerhouse now...I just can't wait to watch him go, go, go...I love you Jaxson, a bushel and a peek and a hug around the neck...Your Nana

Looking For Papa

I'm not quite sure who is the most fortunate in the threesome of "boys"...is it the little boys or the one very sweet Big boy..I do know that their "game" is having fun.  Whenever they are together you can be sure Papa is right in the middle, not only taking good care of them but totally enjoying his experiences with them...It's like being a Dad all over again, without any of the responsibilities...as for me, I get to witness it all and take the photo's...and yes, I get my fair share of love also....but today is Papa's Day..and the boys are coming to Maine...and I can guarantee you...there will be lots of Papa request.. and he never says No...

  

Jaxson and Liam both know that if they have any problems with any toy, bike or something that needs batteries, Papa is the fix-it man...and you know what...he always gets it right...lots of times, during the day, I hear a little voice calling "PAPA"...and I know that a repair job is needed..I love that Jaxson looks on, just to make sure Papa knows what he's doing...and Liam also has his lists of request during the day also...Papa is a busy guy when the boys are around.

All Jaxson has to do is smile that smile and flash those baby blue eyes and Papa becomes putty in his hands...actually, we all do...who can resist such sweetness...He's a charmer and a manipulator for sure..

Liam learned to trust in the process with Papa...he is always there to catch him when he falters or leaps in the wrong direction..Papa's arms are always stretched out to comfort and hold them whenever a hug is needed or a story read.  He gives them the assurance that they need and then they move forward again..

The boys have been walking a path with Papa since Liam was a toddler...holding hands as they go, they navigate through conversation and trust...learning of life and of each other...comfortable in their stride and building beautiful memories...these moments are some of my favorites and I'm sure both Papa and Liam would agree...Jaxson, starts this year to be able to walk the paths with Papa...should be just as beautiful.

Maine the way life should be for both grown men and little boys...Freedom to be outside and experience all that is most prescious in life.  Learning how to steer the boat and swim...learning at the feet of a Grandfather all life's most important lessons...but mostly learning how to value time and love.  To smell pine needles and watch the sunset, to hear the cry of the loons...to toast marshmellows or make smores on an open camp fire..to run and yell and cook on the grill...all the time, with your Papa close by watching over you..and at night...two boys tucked in between a Papa and a Nana, storying telling...in the big bed.  Bliss

Wherever these two boys travel in life...I know that they will take all the love and lessons of a very special Papa with them...they are his entertainment and his joy...in the same sense, they are very fortunate to have such a loving and attenative Papa....a Papa who, like small children, doesn't know what the word No means when it comes to being a great Papa...yes, is his word for them, not matter what they want...

Happy Father's Day Papa....the boys are here.

"Great fathers get promoted to grandfathers"

"a grandparent has the wisdom of long experience and the love of an understanding heart."

Last photo taken by Jenna Barton of the boys...but I just love it...

Although my blog is used for all my photography, it's main purpose has always been a journal to my family. Some day..I hope that all of my children will have the desire to read it and understand my love for them...so please excuse me if sometimes it takes a more personal turn...on the other hand I love when anyone visits. 

Wednesdays With The Boys..He Not Heavy, He's My Brother

Here in New England we are experiencing one of the hottest summer that I can ever remember.  I don't dare to complain to much because we complain all winter about the cold and the snow so when summer hits, I just like to enjoy it and endure it, however I can.  One of the ways to do that is to go to the beach.  What better way to enjoy the beach than to take my two little guys along for the ride.

I was over at the Cafe this morning and this weeks lesson for BB is to go on a scavenger hunt and post some photo's of what we find. Since it was just yesterday that we were at the beach, and one of the photo's that Kim posted was of someone she loved, I thought I would do the same. I sure do love my boys and so another episode of Wednesday With the Boys came to mind...

Wednesdays is my favorite day of the week.  They boys come early and we always have breakfast together. Nana, Papa, Liam and now Jaxson joins us at the table..everyone eats something different, that's just how we roll around here on a Wednesday. After breakfast off to an adventure....every week.

When I was a small girl I lived 5 minutes from the beach.  Back in the day, I would pack myself a lunch, get an old sheet or blanket, grab my doll and head for the beach. My Mom worked and my Grandmother took care of us 4 kids.  She never asked when I would be back, I never had a life jacket, and lots of times I would go by myself and usually see whoever was there.   When I got bored or the tide was to far out, I would come home, safe and sound.

Yesterday when I told Liam that we were going to the beach he said "I'm excited Nana, I haven't been to the beach in a long time".  Didn't take much to get him moving and he even helped with the packing.  While him and Papa were in the shed getting soooo many beach toys, I was making the lunch..again, something different for everyone.  As I was making the lunch I was reminded of my childhood days and how much I loved the summer and the sea.  It was always a wonderful day and still brings back lovely memories.  I'm always hoping to make those memories for my Grandkids..

Time to load up the car and I have to tell you,  when I went to the beach, I walked.  I had to carry whatever it was I was taking.  No cooler back then, brown paper bag.  No sand chair, maybe a towel if I could sneak it out of the house.  No life jacket, no blanket to speak of and no phone, and no change of clothes..you wore your bathing suit down and you wore it back.  When I got done packing yesterday the back of my car was jammed, we even had a sled in there for Jaxson...he eats the sand, so I was going to keep him off of it, and it worked for the most part....

It was a beautiful, sunny day, warm.  The kind of day that begs being outside.  The kind of day that says, stay in the moment and enjoy.  No reading, no napping, just playing with my boys.  It was easy to see that they loved it also.  Oh I take back the napping part, Jaxson fell asleep on the way over and anyone who knows Jaxson is aware if he falls asleep...leave him alone. Liam, on the other hand, is roaring to go, in a hundred directions all at once.  He keeps Papa on his toes all the time.  So they commenced with castle building, trying to catch little fish in Liam's net.  They swam and found a frog and dug big holes.   Then when Jaxson woke up and had a snack, Liam and Papa took him in the water in his sled around the waters edge.   Then Liam decided to pull him in the sand.  Jaxson, in all his naked baby beauty, held onto the sides and enjoyed every moment, laughing at this brother and his Papa...and yes a few times, when I took him in the water and we sat to play, he did get some sand for dessert...

Life is what we make it some days..you need to find the joy and go after it.   These boys will be grown up faster than the sand drifting in and out on the tide.  I know this because I know how fast my own kids grew up.  All that we can give them is wonderful and lasting memories of their childhood.  Summer is for fun, especially for kids.   It should be full of beach trips, sand digging, building castles and yes, tons and tons of ice cream at the end of the day.  Running outside, enjoying nature, finding and losing your favorite frog all in a matter of a minute.  Naked babies and bounding boys...that's what summer was for me yesterday..and I loved every moment of it.   Yes, I'm hoping to be building special memories for Liam and jaxson...but guess what, I'm building them for myself also and in the process I get to live in the memories of my own childhood and in the memories of summer fun with my kids.   I am blessed to have these two boys not 5 minutes from my house and to also have them every Wednesday...Wednesday with the Boys is the Best.

So that's how my scavenger hunt started...I started with "someone you love"...and I promise during the rest of the week I'll go out and hopefully find some other great treasures..but If I don't, the Treasures I found yesterday will last me a life time.

Furry Friends

Here comes Gracie...this is how she rolls...fun of energy and flying ears. What a treasure she is.  Those who know us, know that we rescued Gracie, but more importantly she rescued us.   She came with the name of Gigi..but really, look at her, does she look like a Gigi to you.  Not to me...to me we found her by the Grace of God and goodness and so she is Gracie..

So this week in BB we had to shoot our Furry Friends...and I could have chosen lots of furry friends but why stress out over this when I have the best furry friend living with me.  She is smart, loves to play ball and is so sweet and cuddly I could not begin to go looking for any other fur...

Gracie is a dog for all seasons...she might be little at 6 pounds but she doesn't know that...she thinks she can run with the big boys and I say, more power to her. In the summer she loves the boat...and the wind running through her ears..her favorite spot is on the very back bench where she can see any ducks or loons that might float by...and if they do, she gives them a few barks...to say hello.

In the winter Gracie loves going walking with her Dad every morning...sometimes they go to the park here at home or if we are in Maine...she just grabs her pink polar fleece and heads out to the woods there...and when she comes home from walking she does yoga with me...now that's a cool dog.. 

Yes Gracie loves all kind of outdoor activities but being a girl, she also does not mind being pampered.  So as you can see, she has wonderful spots for napping and primping...the luxury of a down comforter and a pillow that speaks of a good life...but then, these are things that all girls deserve but especially those that have been rescued or those who rescue themselves...

Oh, and don't be afraid to every once in awhile throw yourself a good party.  Gracie loves to have her cousin Riley over for treats and they always wear their party hats...Oh come on, you know you all love a good party...now get your good party pants out before it's to late to wear them.  Remember good friends are hard to come by so when you find one, love the fur off of them buy giving them big hugs and lots of love...

Final words from Gracie...always remember at the end of the day to bow down and give thanks for all the treats in your life...Gracie knows life isn't easy but she also knows that it can get better and that now that she has a forever home...she is so grateful...and everyday at 4 p.m. when we have tea together...well I have tea, she has a dog bone...we know that we were brought together for a reason..Furry Friends Forever...