Take My Heart With You..
Wednesday, September 9, 2015 at 08:23PM 
I love you, yes I do, my little boys with your eyes of blue...I love you everyday, when you come to my house and play. This is the song that I made up for "the boys", five years ago. From that verse I always added some more silly verses, whatever came into my head...but it always started this way. It's what we sang at nap time or any time they needed to be rocked and comforted. It was the perfect song for them, with their bright blue eyes. It was also the perfect song for me because I have loved every minute of everyday that they came to my house and played. I have been so fortunate to have had them each week. First Liam, from a tiny newborn...five days a week in the beginning. Then Jaxson joined us for these past three years. Our adventures together will sustain me forever...and I hope, in their little tiny heads and hearts, they two will remember us and our adventures...the adventures won't stop completely, but they will change.
The big yellow school bus will be taking Liam on adventures now. So many new things to learn and see and experience. He was so excited to go. He is ready. He will do well. Like any Mom or Nana though, I won't be there to heal any hurts or give him choices on what he likes and wants to do. I won't be there to wipe his bum, he'll have to learn to do that for himself now...and who will kiss him when he falls, gets hurt or just needs reassurance. I think I am having a harder time letting go than he is. Five years of his happy smiles. Long, wonderful conversations, walks in the woods and taking our cameras for a walk together, over in a split second. Those naps we shared, they will surely be missed. Snuggles with stuffies, stories of scary things that go bump in the night and just watching him sleep in all his beauty. It is not easy to give those things up..I'll miss the muddy shoes by the door. It' the first thing both boys do when they come in. Off go the shoes and then I line them up. I know it will take me weeks to stop buying so much juice and snacks...slowly though, I will learn. I will learn to live with quieter days and a cleaner sink and toilet. I won't like it though. One cannot stop the hands of time. Little hands have to move on and we must encourage them to be brave and strong as they make their way...I don't have one bit of doubt that Liam will do fine. He loves people and he loves learning...and going forward, with the time that we do have him on Tuesdays, I will love hearing all about his big boy days.
Jaxson, little tiny Jaxson marches off today to pre-school. As much as I hate to see him go, I know what a gift it is that he is taking this very big step. I remember three years ago when his only job was to fight and fight he did and now he shines in his own right as he walks across that line to learn. It's with a heart full of gratitude that I let him go and spread his tiny wings. We are still fortunate enough to have him to ourselves on Tuesday's..Just like we had Liam to ourselves before Jaxson came along. I'm looking forward to that. The gift of alone time for a year, maybe two. He will have a big job here now that Liam is at school. He will be the sole provider of hugs, kisses, naps, walks and camera shooting. Yes, he is starting to learn also. We will still be able to have lunch together and go to his favorite store, Barnes and Noble. Just him, Papa and I. Having said all that I think it will be more difficult sending him off. He still loves to snuggle when he feels bad. He likes quiet time with his stuffies and he is so used to doing things his own way. Fortunately, he is only going for two and half hours, 3 days a week. Today is his first full day and I get to pick him up. I'm sure he will have lots to tell me on our ride home. I'm so grateful I can hold his little hand for awhile longer...I'm not ready to let go just yet. I need to listen to his little voice telling me in great detail about all the things that amuse him. To capture a few more of his expressions and hand jive when a story needs more than just words...and oh please, can I have just a few more months of holding him in my arms as he sleeps. I'm sure going to miss those moments. I could also use some more time smelling his baby/little boy smells. Unruly hair, chocolate face and that excitement and love he shares so freely when waking up from a nap. Nope, not ready to let go of that either. I also see a few more car and truck days in our future...
My days have been full of these blue eyed boys..walking with them these past five years have lifted me up, made me happy, gave my life purpose and sometimes, I cried when they cried. Life doesn't stop though. It marches to its own beat, just as my boys will do now. I'll reset my schedule to fit theirs with the hopes that no matter how fast they grow, what they choose to do, they will always have the memories that we have created together. Recently, when Liam and I were talking about him going to school, he did reassure me that " I would always be his best friend". I loved that he gave me those words and I will hold him to it. I know there are many more adventures in our future but none can compare to the "time spent" these last five years...so to my two little boys with the eyes of blue...I hope some great adventures come to you. Today and tomorrow and all your life through...Nana and Papa will always love you...
Reader Comments (12)
Oh Cheryl, that is so beautiful. I feel your apprehension but I also know that there are a great many more adventures. It is so wonderful to watch our "children" all of them grow and change and become their own person. They still need guidance.
I have to re read this beautiful story 😂when my eyes stop tearing
Thank you Chris for visiting...I had a hard time writing this one. The time, it goes so quickly. Somehow I thought they would stay babies forever...not true...enjoy yours...before long they will all be on the step....xoxo
Oh Peg, I know you are right...they will both do great things and have great adventures...but for today. Tears in the letting go.
Your love for these two is very evident! You are the so fortunate to build such great memories with them!
Thank you Liz, I know you understand..
I can feel the bittersweetness of letting go all the way through... You've had such an extraordinarily precious time with Liam and then also with Jaxon in these early years... How hard to let that go! As I've followed along, watching them grow & getting to know them through your eyes, you've taught me the wonders of being a grandparent. What I can also see from my vantage point, is the rock solid foundation of love, security & acceptance you & Jim have provided for your precious boys, alongside & augmenting the great parenting of Jenna & Luke. There is no greater gift possible to give a child & it is one that will last a lifetime. Take comfort in that as you adjust to a quieter life with Liam at school... But I'm sure Jaxon will keep you on your toes for a while yet!
Thank you for sharing your boys with us & for such a tender, beautiful post. Xx
Beautiful mom, they love the time they get with their nana and papa and even though we are all a little sad they are growing up, they are both so excited for new adventures. I can't believe how fast the time has gone by, thank you for writing about them and for documenting how amazing and precious they are. You are the best nana. Love you.
Thank you Jenna for your visit and loving words, they are a joy. Most especially, thank you for trusting us with your precious cargo. You gave us free range with them and that is why we were able to have so many wonderful adventures. Not many parents are as generous and trusting as you and Luke have been.
It is a gift from you that we don't take for granted. I love you and thank you. My brown eyed girl. Mom
I 'd been in bed but came down to my computer to do a few more things . . .
when I remembered I had been saving your blog for my big screen.
The solid foundation you and Jim have provided for your grandsons is a gift beyond words or description.
Thank you for sharing your loving experiences through this medium.
Life is all about "letting go" . . . after we've given it all we've got!
You and your family are blessed with the love and appreciation you all share,
as evidenced by your heartfelt posts . . .
Big HUGS to everyone . . .
I'm sure your refrigerator door is going to fill up quickly!
they are so lucky to have you, just as you are lucky to have them.
Thank you Pam...that is so true.