~winter In New England~

So much snow...so much beauty...I'm finding more and more each day that passes...Today the beauty came in learning...so much fun...how can this be when just last week I was so disheartened by my limits.

Two weeks of waiting and Dr. appointments...enough...so when the beautiful, white, fluffy stuff was flying so was my mind...I decided to let the chips fall and try to set up a routine that was within my limits but also within my sphere of joy..

Today I'm sharing the results..I took to the woods, in my car...so not a lot of walking.  That will have to wait but there is a big wide window in hubby's truck so off I went...there is nothing more restorative for the heart and soul than the beating pulse of nature...birds, trees full of white sparkles and berries,  red berries that just florish instead of dying...

Then to come home and FOCUS...on my lesson...I am so excited that I got through this one mostly on my own...not to say it didn't take me awhile but I did it...I have my own custom made template in light room and I know I can do more...and my image landed on my desk top,  just where it is suppose to be, did take two tries to get it there but hey two tries is progress for me..

Last but not least it is Monday and I'm am posting...Focusing...on my days of creativeness...Monday's and Thursdays...all is well..

I hope this week brings you many small moments of joy...moments when, at the end of the day you can check off something on your Happiness Journal...in the meantime...enjoy the weather...Crazy New England...now it's raining but that's o.k...I'm loving the tap, tap on my sky-light window, right above my desk...

"The Wisdom of Nature speaks to us Heart to Heart.  And Nature's first language is....BEAUTY." Tim McNulty

Beyond Beyond and Beyond Me

Well so much for my word of FOCUS...oh it's not that I haven't been focusing,  I have,  but not on my blog..I so wanted to be up to speed, doing some more work on this blog and posting several times a week...not yet, because of what came before  Beyond Beyond even started.

So this post is a short post just to mentally say to myself...all is not lost,  you will get there.  Also a post to come to terms with Beyond Beyond and Beyond Me. 

My new class this year with Kim Klassen is Beyond Beyond...what a great title because last year I was in her Beyond Layers class and we've moved Beyond Layers so we are now 2B...Beyond Beyond. I have managed to keep up so far.. the problem is as I look at the title...I see two meanings there, both of which apply to my present circumstances...Beyond Beyond...I so want to focus on those lessons Kim is teaching but the Beyond Beyond takes on a new meaning for me which makes me think deeper than computer lessons, it takes me to..

Beyond Me...right now I am in a place that doesn't allow me the time and energy somedays to sit and Focus on my blog and all the creative dreams that I had planned to accomplish...how does this happen,  that on a dime our lives can change in such a way that time and energy are Beyond us...we become victums of our circumstances...That is the Beyond Me part...Oh I'm still learning lessons but they are not the lessons that I had set up for myself...these are life lessons that I would not have chosen if anyone ASKED ME what I wanted to learn.

But learn we do and cope we do because we have no choice...One lesson I've learned is that each of us,  when faced with a life challenge,  becomes more capable than we ever thought possible...all those times I said "I can't do that" or I wouldn't do that",  fly out the window in the face of survival...we do what needs to be done, not always with a smile on our face but with a determination that I will survive this and move on...I've also learned to use my time wisely in many ways...no more just fooling around..on a good day, do as much as you can of what you were hoping to FOCUS on, so that when a bad day hits...you sit on the couch,  pick up that great book that you are now back into and read...Oh how I've enjoyed the reading...

Bottom line...I'm working on getting better...but in the meantime...I'm learning that some things are Beyond Me. Athough that's a "bummer"...it does not define my life or mean that my life is out of my control completely...what it means is, I have two very good reasons to Focus now and both my dreams of being creative and my health are attainable as long as I continue to move forward within my physical limitations and keep my mental capabilites alive and well.

Life doesn't  always play out the way we plan...but as long as we roll with the punches, trust in a brighter future and know that "this to shall pass",  we can move Beyond today trusting that our tomorrows will bring small moments of joy even amongst the challenges...Time is precious...use it wisely,  it truly is a gift.

I'm still Focused,  I've just changed my view...

"Your body hears everything your mind says"   Naomi Judd

"I have the body of an 18 year old...I keep it in the fridge". Spike Milligan

Focusing on the Year Ahead

I cannot believe that I have not posted since November.  I cannot believe that I have neglected the thing I love the most...writing and photography.  It seems sometimes, often really,  the things I love the most get put to the bottom of my to do pile.  Not this year.

I have chosen my word for 2013 and it is Focus.   I didn't even have to struggle to find it.. I know that in order for me to find my joy, I really need to pay attention to what is important, and make it happen.

During December I ran into some medical problems...which I am still dealing with, but I am moving forward slowly.  Whatever happens in my life, both positive and negative,  I know, at the end, there is a lesson learned. What I learned through this process,  which was happening right in the middle of Christmas, was that I don't have to do it all and what I do doesn't always have to be perfect.   What I percieve as the best isn't always what other's perceive.   I didn't get all the shopping done, didn't get all the food cooked and I wasn't the life of the party but my kids said it was one of the best Christmases ever...the gift was that we were all together.

That started me thinking about the rest of my life and all I try to do in a day, a week, a month and the year. It also showed me that the things I love most were not always a priorty.  I take on to much.  I had lots of time to think and slow down.

So for this year..I am going to Focus on what I love...keeping even those things simple.  Finishing my blog..top priorty but I'll ease back into it.  Photography...I do o.k. with that one but would like to get out more during the week.  Ah, my one really big love...READING,  making time for that this year.  Keeping track also.  I'll start a reading page right here on my blog.   Tea, knitting they have their space also but with a much more relaxed attitude from me.

How to accomplish this...somethings have to go.   First on the list..Facebook.  Oh I'm not giving it up but I will only check it at the beginning of the day and at the end.   Flickr...less frequently, more blog time.  I'm learning how to say NO in an easier manner. Shutting down my computer by 9 p.m.  That will be a challenge but that is where I'll get my reading time.  I can't do everything.   That's a start.  We'll see how I do with all of this.

I'm starting a Happiness Journal and I'm checking in on myself.   Each day, I'll write what I want to accomplish.  Short list of things that make me happy...each night I'll check back in to see if I got a few of those happy moments into my day..so far so good. Meeting with a friend for tea or lunch.  Oh and today a little trip downtown to a cute boutique that's having a sale...things like that will go on my list.  

I do have some things that are always on my Happiness List and will continue to stay..Family time, I am truly blessed in my family. My "Boys"..I love those babies and they heal all ills and make me laugh like crazy.  My lessons with Kim Klassen...she's good for my soul and learning is good for my spirit.  Going to the woods and feeling the silence and the wonders of this world...all of these stay...the rest, well check in later. If I do it right...this blog will be amazing and so will my life..actually it's pretty amazing already.

Focus...it's the perfect word for me for this year..do you have a word to help you through...

The photo above is from a lesson in Beyond Layers..done by Kim Klassen: Editing and quote are mine..thanks so much Kim for always inspiring me.

I'm Looking for My Friend

Did you ever wish that there was a milk carton where you could post a photo of an adult? I do..  Sometimes adults end up missing. That is what has happened to my Friend...I really need to find her because it's almost time for my annual, long standing, Girlfriends Tea Party.  She has never missed one and the table will not be the same without her.

She disappeared about 3 months ago.   At first because I was so busy with Jenna and Jaxson that I didn't realize how long it had been since hearing from her.  As time went on though, she entered my mind many times a day. I asked our other mutual friends if they had seen or heard from her but they also confirmed that she was truly  missing. Right away I knew there was something wrong.  On her own,  in her right mind, she would never have left us without a word...but she did.

So after much soul searching I called her.  It took a few phone calls before I finally did get to speak with her. The conversation was sad.  She believes right now she doesn't have a life.  She is to busy with her Grandchildren and has no energy for anything else.  I knew right away that my Friend was lost.  This is not her.   A few years back my Friend had cancer.   I know what a fighter she is.   She never let it get her down and she shared the entire experience with us..her little group of friends. We supported her and loved her through all the treatments, bald head,  the tears and the joys.  When she was diagnosed cancer free we all cheered with her. What a brave fighter she was.   She never got lost during this hard fought battle so now she is fighting something that I cannot see and she won't let me in to help.

If I had a milk carton for her this is what I would write...no photo necessary..just four sides of writing.

I would tell her that I miss her...more than she knows.   Then I would remind her that friendships are not based on size.  Love never judges.   She would also need to know that every time someone mentions chocolate She pops into my head.  Next I would tell her that I miss her hugs, hugs so tight that I would lose my breath and beg her for mercy and to letme go..and those punches..OMG she was strong,  those damn punches hurt.

The other side of the carton would be all about the fun,  laughter, and positiveness of this wonderful Friend. Here boundless energy as she entered a room would stop you in your tracks.   She loved to laugh and she loved to make others laugh.  Pee your pants laugh..I need that in my life. I already lost my other funny Friend so I can't lose this one.  She had the most amazing energy level and there is not a person who knows her that hasn't at one time or another been the recipient of her help.  The time or day did not matter.  If you were in need she was there..and I really missed her when Jaxson came early and we couldn't share that time of need. That's another big reason why I know she's missing.  If she could of,  she would have been there for me and for my lil Sprout.  

Her phones calls, our long heartfelt chats about everything...I miss those.   The gift of tea and lunches with her,  not often with our busy schedules but often enough to stay completely connected.   The sharing of our Grandsons on adventures.  Wonderful times that we had moved into and the boys, well they just loved being together..sleep overs away..oh those were fun times...Tops..how we need her back there to keep us all on our toes.  This is not a new Friend...She has been around for nearly 30 years...

So I think if she saw my milk carton she would know that nothing is worth hiding away somewhere where no one can approach her..If she read my milk carton she would remember that we always referred to each other as Soul Sisters...so many years of speaking from the soul.   I think she would know that no matter what issues she is dealing with now that they are not unsurmountable as long as you you have your "best friend" by your side.   In all these many years My Friend has never been missing.  So I'll keep on searching until I find her.

You know, this is the season of Giving and of Hope...and I am a big Kid.  I still believe in Santa Clause and the Miracle of Christmas...so maybe Santa knows how to find my Friend.   Perhaps I could send him a copy of this note.  I also believe in the Miracle of Love..God is good..and He knows of my search...so I'm feeling a bit brighter about the future.  Good things come to those that wait...and I'll continue to wait until she comes back. 

Time is getting close though...my Special Tea Party is soon.   Invitations are going in the mail today and my Friend will receive hers tomorrow..My wish is that she will be in her seat when the day comes..She really needs to come or else I'll end up doing all the dishes by myself.  She usually does them for me.   She stays after everyone else is gone and we talk and clean...I really need her there.  That is always such a special time for us.

In the end, it's all up to her.  She knows where to find me.. I'm not lost.   I'm right here where I've always been...and I'm missing her and deep in my heart,  I know she is also missing me to.  

Happy Birthday Lil Man

In just three short years Lil Man has changed my life...Today is his third birthday and I ponder on all he is and all he gives.  Yes it's his birthday but I feel like I'm the one who gets the gifts each time we are together..I guess at the end of the day,  this is what life is really all about...the gifts we give and receive from each other. Liam has a very small budget and so his gifts are always from his heart...

I love how he smiles and those smiles often turn into ourtright giggles and so he sets me off also...thank you Liam for the gift of turned up lips and cheeks...for reminding me that there is so much to smile about even when we think there isn't...and when things do go wrong...I'll remember that don't stay in your sad place but for a minute.

I love how you run just for the sheer pleasure of it...how life is always in the fast lane for you...no time for sitting and staring...you keep my sneakers moving also on our walks and you love when I chase you...and you always win...you are my champion.  

I love how your face expresses such peace as I watch you sleep...you and your buddy Honey Bear wrapped up in a nuggly,  soft light on your precious face...I could watch you for hours and sometimes I do...and that to, is a precious gift. When you have a sleep over you crawl in my bed in the middle of the night and I wake with your smiling face and baby breath on my cheek,  excited for the new day to start...I groan but it's only for a minute as I don't want to lose one sweet moment with you.

I love how you teach me anew,  how to cook in the kitchen and really get into whatever we are making...Following all the rules of apron wearing and lots of stirring...and batter flying all over the place...I needed this lesson. I'm feeling bad that your Mom didn't have quite so much fun with the mixer...but I'll tell her that messes are o.k...they really do clean up...a valuable lesson here My Lil Friend.

You teach me patience when you spill,  and I say "no worries"...now when something goes wrong for anyone else you have the good judgement to repeat the words of "no worries"  and that is really nice. No one has shame or hurt feelings when your around.

I love when you read to me...I found out from you that we don't have to read every word the way it is written, that sometimes we can just read the pictures...they also tell a story...they tell the story that you give them...Mostly what I like about story time is that you sit really close to me and we put our heads together to get to the end of the book...that feels nice.

You fill my days with adventure and joy...long walks and fast runs.   We look for birds, bugs and dog poop...you are now taking the camera out and together we document what we find..and yes,  your dog poop photo is your favorite and now it's mine also...

I especially like it when we go on our Adventure's to Barnes and Nobles..where you play with the trains and I get tea and then we have lunch...you never ask for more than a cupcake at the end but occiasionaly you do get a treat of a train or a car..I love your chatter all the way up to the store and all the way back..and you love to tell me to "punch it Martha" on the highway...folks that means "go fast Nana" and beat the other car...maybe I shouldn't have taught him that one...but we laugh about it.

I love bath time and bubble time and tea time..all the things that we have been doing together since you were a tiny baby and now they are your routines as well as mine...having tea with you at home or at the tea shop is such a hugh gift, you with your cookie and me with my scones...we both slow down and you tell me all about your life and I'm amazed by your simplicity and innocence...

Most of all I love how you hug me...and I love how you now know the meaning of love...special times we have you and I...and most recently when we were walking up the road, hand in hand and you leaned into me and said in your little boy voice that I love so much.."Nana I love you"...and then you just kept on walking like it was no big deal,  I gotta tell you my heart was smiling high and wide...for that one Great Gift of Joy. Once again you re-affirmed to your Nana how special our relationship is...

Happy Third Birthday to my Lil Man....Love you Nana