My Buddy and Me

It's a rare day when I get to spend any time alone with Jaxson.  I was looking back at my blog post over the years as I continue to make hard copies of them, and now books for the boys this Christmas, shhh, don't tell them, what I discovered and should have known, was that there is defiantly a second child syndrome. It doesn't happen because you love one more than the other because it would be impossible for me to love Jaxson anymore than I do, it happens because of circumstances.  The time and space now needs to be shared with two and the second child simple doesn't get as much personal attention or alone time with family members. It's just the way life is.

After seeing that reflected in my blog post, going forward, I will be much more aware of time spent with Jaxson but also, with time posted in the blog space.  There have been times when we have shared precious time together and because I let life get in the way, I failed to post as often.  Jaxson has made his way over on my Facebook page...he has a huge following there.  As a matter of fact, I get more likes and comment when a story about Jaxson goes up than I do about any of my other posts.  He deserves equal space here also.  He is so smart and entertaining.  He is happy and makes those of us around him happy to. He's growing fast now...and he's just learned how to whistle so I see the big boy trying to emerge as me and his Mom try to keep him small.  He is not going to let that happen.  One on one with him though offers such great moments, memories and oh my gosh, he is so loving with his kisses and hugs..So keeping with those thoughts in mind...you hopefully, will be seeing a lot more of Jaxson over here on the blog.  We have a lot of catching up to do before he moves on in a year or two.  I don't want the boys to have lopsided books.

Having said that, a few weeks ago, I picked Jaxson up at school and we had a few hours before getting Liam. Instead of going home I took him to a place both him and Liam love.  The Peabody Essex Museum in Salem. We go there often when the weather is not nice enough to be outside.  A few weeks before our visit, they had just opened up the new Moon room.  Jaxson loved listening to a video of how the moon works with the planets and stars and he was fascinated by it..and of course the head phones were a really big deal.  Why do kids love wearing head phones so much. Also in this room you could touch the moon at another display.  Can you imagine... you just close your eyes, which we did, and we touched the moon.  It really did feel just like Swiss cheese...and then he was off. He never walks, he tells me it's the fast sneakers.

Don't even ask me.  I have no idea what this thing is or does...well, I know when you plug it in just right, it lights up. So let's just say, while he was busy with this project, I just stepped back, took a photo of what it was and hopefully Santa will bring it for Christmas.

We didn't have a lot of time but Jaxson told me right when we got to the Museum that we had to save time for the gift shop.  A fabulous place for little ones to shop on their own.  So after a giant cookie and a juice box we headed to the shop.  He got a Moon puzzle for Liam and a Moon for himself.  Then it was time to leave and go pick up Liam at school.

It was a lovely few hours with Jaxson.  I hope he understands how much it meant to me to be just with him. In those moments, as he played and skipped and felt the connection to the museum and to just us, I hope he also had fun being just with me. The museum was lovely and fun but honestly, the best part, the part that I hope sticks with him later, was really the conversation in the car, coming and going.  Holding hands and skipping as we walked through the plaza to get to the museum...and more conversation about how much I loved that we got to spend this time together...to let him know that he is not number two or second child but that he is always and will forever be, my best Buddy...my number one Buddy...and time-spent with him is like finding a shiny penny on the ground and knowing that its's a good luck day. The hugs I got as I lifted him out of the car when we got home, were the perfect ending to time spent with Jaxson...love you Buddy.  

So going forward we made a pack to go out by ourselves some days...and of course I have that same pack with Liam now...I'm soaking it up for as long as it last. 

Life is about adventures and time-spent with those you love...don't let it slip by while your waiting for something better to come along...because soon that window will be gone.

Cookies and Milk

Blog post, photographs, lessons and assignments...sometimes such a dilemma as to what to post...other times, I hear the prompt and right away I know what the subject and photo's should look like...then it's just a matter of pulling it all together...Be Still...Lesson 16, was like that for me...Cookies and Milk.  Right up my alley since I have two little boys that love not only cookies and milk, but they love baking in my kitchen. Liam is somewhat of a pro now...but Jaxson, well, he's not one for being patient and still  for very long...but for cookies and milk, he was a willing partner.  So today, when he came over, he had his first cookie baking lesson and he passed with flying colors..I guess you just need to pick the right subject to hold their interest...below are the fruits of his labor and also his reward...I loved this lesson. Not only for the content but also because the boys are my life right now...fleetingly.  I know that more now than ever before...Liam is now in preschool 4 days a week until 1p.m...so we no longer have him for the full day...I do get to see him often, but not in the same way...and as Liam moves forward...we now have alone time with Jaxson for the first time...he's a trip for sure...so with only a few years left before they are both in school full time..they are my photo "props" and I'm o.k with that...so come along with Jaxson and enjoy some cookies and milk...

So with Jaxson it is not a lesson in flour and milk and mixing..it is strictly pull apart and drop on tray..what I love most about this photo is his intensity in getting the cookies apart...I can tell how hard he's working because, like all of us here, hard work means tongue out...like the tongue is helping to get the job done..

Helping Papa get the oven door open...then he steps back so Papa can put the tray in for baking.

 Jaxson is having a hard time waiting for the cookies to be done...so he has taken it upon himself to keep a good watch on what is happening in the dark hole where his cookie dough went...

He finally got tired of watching his cookie "grow" and came out on the porch to have a drink of his milk...that kept him still for about a minute...

 

Cookies are finally done..but now Jaxson has another problem..they are to hot to eat...oh my, more waiting time..

Well he's nothing if he's not a smarty...he takes matters into his own hands..enough with being patient, he stands up on his chair and gives those cookies several good blows and that seems to do the trick for him...problem solved...

Finally, after being very persistent and patient he sits down and really enjoys his cookies and milk as only a 2 year old can...ah, if only we could keep the balance as adults...enjoy the moment, have one cookie and a bit of milk...Life is Good...just ask Jaxson..as he enjoys the fruits of his labor..and for those who haven't noticed, the tablecloth is no long on the table...that is a chocolate, chocolate chip cookie.  Trader Joe's...it got high marks from both of the boys...

So proud of him at the end, when he had his fill, he shared his broken crumbs with Papa...and Papa also declared them, just perfect...

Milk and Cookies was one of the best lessons that I have done with Kim Klassen at the helm of Be Still and so much more. If your ever looking for a "prop" to help out with baking, life lessons or just an abundance of cuteness, go borrow a two year old...it will make any lesson in life much more fun...and actually chase your problems away...Great Job today Jaxson...here's to Milk and Cookies and love....

"Little boy, you remind me how so much depends on days of now." Alison McGhee

I love his smile, I adore his spunk, I melt into his squeezes and I'm so happy he's my Grandson.

"Little Boys are just Superhero's in disquise"

Summer Finds

It's so easy in the summer to just go poking around in all the lovely spots where surprises await you...For some insane reason I have a love of little chairs...and this summer I found two lovlies, one of which I'm posting here today for my Friday Summer Finds..I think as I grow older I want to surround myself with all the things I never had as a little girl growing up...and so the desire for small chairs, dolls and all pretty thing things come from that inner child.  I'm so happy that that long ago part of me is finding it's way into my life now.

I found this lovely chair at an Antique store in Bridgton Maine one weekend when I was out with my son..not only is he a Meditation and Yoga instructor, he is also a licensed carpenter who knows his wood and his antiques...so when we saw this chair and I fell in love with it, he assured me that it was old, authentic and of a very good quality wood. He thought it would look good with a plant sitting on it, so I figure this is a good comprise...because the old watering can was another one of my finds on a different day out and about..I love how wabi sabi it is ..the colors are subtle..green and earthy and the hydrangea was fresh when it started out but I just let it dry and now it is a perfect compliment to my can.

I just love my dream cup, my find at TJ Maxx at the very beginning of the summer...I have posted it before but really, all summer long, it has been a "dream" to not only photograph but to use ...there is power in holding it and looking at that word as I sip my afternoon tea.  A constant remind that dreaming is good for the soul...and when it holds my tea, it fills me with warmth and comfort.

Speaking of comfort...this is where it happens for me in the summer.  A gift from my son three years ago for Mother's day, which has become an ongoing project for me, with so much help for my husband. Each year we plant a new kind of flower, testing to see what grows in the most shaded area of the yard. We find, and carry, rocks of all sizes to fill the space in the circle.  Chris laid the garden out but Jim and I have worked on completing his design with the rocks.  Almost done, but so much fun to work on. This year we were able to find the trellis at a flea market...craziest thing.  First thing we saw upon entering the flea market.  The guy had about 3 of these, in different designs..he was going out of business and there it was.  Jim says he couldn't have bought the wood for what this cost.  We brought it home and Jim put it together..It jus really defines and finishes my meditation garden..Oh, and that little rocking chair is the one I mentioned earlier.  I found this sweet thing at my local consignment shop..in perfect condition and strong enough for the boys to sit on...Jim says, no more chairs...hmmm, we'll see.

I just wanted to post this view of the garden so you can get a sense of what it is really like...although it is small it is peaceful and quiet...Buddha is sitting in the far back, meditation chimes hang from the right side of the fence and I have a lovely bench with a pillow and red cushion where I sit and read with my tea..the kids gave us the bench, engraved with a hummingbird, several years ago for our anniversary...who knew it would fit so well in this garden now...I love this space...not only for the peace, comfort and pleasure it brings..but also for the joy in knowing how loved I am now by the people who surround me...that little girl inside is finally feeling the love that was lost for so many years as a child. I find it interesting that of all we possess, it is these gifts of the heart and hand that matter most.

Finally I found, over this summer, as the boys grow, it is so important and FUN, to just slow down, be in the moment and get out in nature. Nothing restores the heart and soul like a walk in the woods, or a run if your a little boy, and to just be.  On this day, we walked, we talked and we skipped along the trails.  Have you had a conversation lately with a 4 year old who knows so many things about birds and bugs and life.  How about a chat with a 2 year old who sounds like he was born in the North End of Boston and uses his hands and expressions to tell you about rocks and how to throw them...these kind of days, so short in the scheme of life, remind me to slow down, breath and just simply smile at the fullness of gifts given and received...ah yes, summer finds...I hope you found some that will carry you through the long winter also...

"your are the keeper of your own struggle.  And you are the keeper of your own impatience. Frustration. And grace too.  Of the generosity of your own heart.  You are the keeper of your gratitude and courage.  Your bravery and intention.  Exhale."  

From bella Grace.... I love this, my new magazine find...

Their Softer Side

Sometimes it takes awhile to figure out where we are going..to connect to what we like.  Stepping out of the box is not easy but it's the only way to advance and learn..finally after many tries, we find that we love this new learning...this new angle of creating...and so it is for me with my Still Life photography...by nature, I'm a Nature photographer.  Winters can be long and cold and snowy and after doing all the nature shots I like, I was left with months of grey...everywhere I turned...so enter Still Life.  I have struggled with it.  It does not come naturally but finally I am beginning to see it's value and also to see that I am learning to see light and color and softness in a new way...

This weeks lesson in Be Still is to take a look at a body of work that we have done and to find a connection in the photo's...to see what we are shooting more of and how it is evolving...when I did this I became aware of the fact that I really like portrait work lately..with two Grandsons I guess that isn't a surprise...but they delight me in so many ways..and Still Life does not mean just flowers or set-ups.  It means those moments of life...lived by two little boys..and when I can catch them in quiet moments it become a Still Life memory. Along with that I love the softer side of  my photographs lately..I would see it in others work and so I worked at it and it is just so much fun to do...not just in portrait work but also in every other still life that I've done lately.

 

The soft side of still like reminds me to slow down, take time before pushing that shutter button..compose more thoughtfully and just let the color fade away into it's own background. The mood changes with the softer side of color..it allows for quiet reflection.  Although this is what I'm working on right now...there will always be a place for the more vibrant, colorful and vivid color that makes me smile in a different way...I'll never lose my love of nature and green grass, bugs and trees.  I'll also always welcome joyful, animated and flashy photo's, fast cars and galloping horses...it's a big world out there...and I love shooting it all.

 “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown

Look Who's Two

How can it be...where did the time go...the night of his birth now just a distant memory. The fading away of the stress and worry we endured because of  his frail and delicate birth.  Two years of healing and growing and yes, they said it could be like this, but at the time it seemed hard to believe...Jaxson was born with a spirit like no other child that I personally know...Today when I see how far he has come and how smart and funny he is...I know in my heart of hearts that same spirit was in him when he was born and it is what got him through...he is no wimp this boy of our family..

Today, at two...he runs and plays and picks flowers for his Nana...we watch as Liam plays T-ball.  I watch him learn about life amongst the dandelions, throw away flowers to most but not to Jaxson.  To him they are beautiful and deserve a place in a glass of water on my windowsill and of course we put them there when we go home...And along with picking those flowers, he chats to me about how "pretty" they are.  His speech is well above most children his age...he is charming in his choice of words. and his stories are very entertaining. I, of course, am thrilled at how far he has progressed..It has really been an amazing journey with this boy of light and love.

His eyes are what get you first...and he knows how to use them...then his sweet and loving personality kicks in for added insurance so he can manoeuvre his way around you...and if none of that works, he moves into high gear to let you know he is not happy with your decision.  Now I know, as a parent and now as a grandparent, that you are not suppose to encourage a stand-off with a two year old..but can I just tell you with Jaxson it just works..OMG, the look on his "angry face" is so darn cute and the pouty lips moving into a "raspberry" is just to funny.. Now that he is two I have to turn away and laugh..in one way...he is moving away from this gesture as he grows and learns some rules..and honestly, as much as I know he needs to move on...I will sure miss his spunky attitude..his knowing what he wants and that look on his face.  In defense of him though...he moves out of his "mood" so quickly you wonder...did that really happen...He is such a joyful, happy baby.

Every once in awhile he gives in to the tiredness of his busy schedule and catches a few winks in the car...It's not easy being two and learning the lessons of life.  Fortunately he has his big brother Liam to help him along...and now that Jaxson is "a big boy" they are so much fun to watch together...so when Liam is being quiet in the car...Jaxson folds his hands and tucks them into the seat belt, I like to think he is asking God for more strength for his journey ahead.  To keep him safe and strong.  I love to see him like this and so I capture him.  I capture both him and Liam in so many everyday, anytime situation.  Someday they will have a journal of their young years...or at least that is my hope...but it also is my gift to myself...to be able, as the years move by, to remember all the tiny, everyday things that they have done...and of course the milestones also..

So Happy Second Birthday Jaxson...you deserve all the love that surrounds you.  You give back more than we give and you shine your magic on us each time you visit.  Where did the two years go...they went into the hearts and souls of all of us who know you.  He has built his network from frail beginnings but he is a powerhouse now...I just can't wait to watch him go, go, go...I love you Jaxson, a bushel and a peek and a hug around the neck...Your Nana