Misty Morning

"We seem so proccupied with filling space.

This is a place where the space fills you.."

Maine.

The Wisdom Of Nature

I spent a four day weekend with my husband and son in Baxter State Park...it has been much to long since I have been enfolded in the power of Mother Nature.  It was what I needed right now, at this present moment. It has been so long, that at one point, on one of our walks, I felt the stillness and quiet actually crawl up inside me and start a healing process and a slowing down.  I had a clear vision, for the first time in a long time of where I want to go and what I want to do.  So many gifts are found walking softly in the forest of life. So much to channel if we pay attention to those gifts we are shown in the world of nature.

The photo of the Eagle above is a rare gift.  I know that and I appreciate the dance it shared with me.  I appreciated seeing it teach it's young how to fend for themselves now.  Ah but the young mimic the youth of today and one  baby squawked at it's Mom, loud and clear and she just ignored him.  I have never witness such Mothering love in the wild before.  Finally the Mom had had enough and flew from the tree. She approached the water from behind me and I only was able to capture her leaving with the fish...I did not see her catch it but the gift of this photo will always be a treasure of my time spend re-uniting with Nature in the deep woods of our beloved Maine.  Way up in Millinocket...on  South Twin Lake.  Next to Baxter State Park.

I felt the earth envelope my feet, and make me strong enough to walk through the seasons of life. I was breathing in the fresh air cleaned by thousands and thousands of trees, a natural air filter.  I felt the warmth of the sun on my face without the harsh winds and I saw gifts from the forest floor.  Turning leaves of red maple, orange mushrooms that look like toad stools. Signs that summer will soon give way to Autumn.  Pine and oak and fresh scents that hold you in their perfume.  Ponds, lakes, rivers and streams.  Clean, fresh water without polutens.  Clouds, blue sky and even some rain drops...and it all came back.  My love of knowing I needed the woods.  To be rejuninate with its powers of concentration and relaxation.

Maybe I can't get way up to Baxter often but the woods are in my own back yard.  All I need to do is go there. Go there more often. To get center and breath in life to set my internal clock.  Perhaps if I go often enough, I will soar like the Eagle again...and feed my soul.

Happy Birthday Chris...thanks for still walking with me and Dad...and thanks also for understanding and loving Mother Nature...she has been good to us and for us...love you.

Take My Heart With You..

I love you, yes I do, my little boys with your eyes of blue...I love you everyday, when you come to my house and play. This is the song that I made up for "the boys", five years ago.  From that verse I always added some more silly verses, whatever came into my head...but it always started this way.  It's what we sang at nap time or any time they needed to be rocked and comforted.  It was the perfect song for them, with their bright blue eyes.  It was also the perfect song for me because I have loved every minute of everyday that they came to my house and played.  I have been so fortunate to have had them each week. First Liam, from a tiny newborn...five days a week in the beginning.  Then Jaxson joined us for these past three years. Our adventures together will sustain me forever...and I hope, in their little tiny heads and hearts, they two will remember us and our adventures...the adventures won't stop completely, but they will change.

The big yellow school bus will be taking Liam on adventures now.  So many new things to learn and see and experience.  He was so excited to go.  He is ready.  He will do well.  Like any Mom or Nana though, I won't be there to heal any hurts or give him choices on what he likes and wants to do.  I won't be there to wipe his bum, he'll have to learn to do that for himself now...and who will kiss him when he falls, gets hurt or just needs reassurance.  I think I am having a harder time letting go than he is.  Five years of his happy smiles. Long, wonderful conversations, walks in the woods and taking our cameras for a walk together, over in a split second.  Those naps we shared, they will surely be missed.  Snuggles with stuffies, stories of scary things that go bump in the night and just watching him sleep in all his beauty.  It is not easy to give those things up..I'll miss the muddy shoes by the door.  It' the first thing both boys do when they come in.  Off go the shoes and then I line them up.  I know it will take me weeks to stop buying so much juice and snacks...slowly though, I will learn.  I will learn to live with quieter days and a cleaner sink and toilet.  I won't like it though.  One cannot stop the hands of time.  Little hands have to move on and we must encourage them to be brave and strong as they make their way...I don't have one bit of doubt that Liam will do fine.  He loves people and he loves learning...and going forward, with the time that we do have him on Tuesdays, I will love hearing all about his big boy days.

Jaxson, little tiny Jaxson marches off today to pre-school.  As much as I hate to see him go, I know what a gift it is that he is taking this very big step.   I remember three years ago when his only job was to fight and fight he did and now he shines in his own right as he walks across that line to learn.  It's with a heart full of gratitude that I let him go and spread his tiny wings. We are still fortunate enough to have him to ourselves on Tuesday's..Just like we had Liam to ourselves before Jaxson came along.  I'm looking forward to that. The gift of alone time for a year, maybe two.  He will have a big job here now that Liam is at school.  He will be the sole provider of hugs, kisses, naps, walks and camera shooting.  Yes, he is starting to learn also. We will still be able to have lunch together and go to his favorite store,  Barnes and Noble.  Just him, Papa and I.   Having said all that I think it will be more difficult sending him off.  He still loves to snuggle when he feels bad.  He likes quiet time with his stuffies and he is so used to doing things his own way.  Fortunately, he is only going for two and half hours, 3 days a week. Today is his first full day and I get to pick him up.  I'm sure he will have lots to tell me on our ride home.  I'm so grateful I can hold his little hand for awhile longer...I'm not ready to let go just yet.  I need to listen to his little voice telling me in great detail about all the things that amuse him.  To capture a few more of his expressions and hand jive when a story needs more than just words...and oh please, can I have just a few more months of holding him in my arms as he sleeps.  I'm sure going to miss those moments.  I could also use some more time smelling his baby/little boy smells.  Unruly hair, chocolate face and that excitement and love he shares so freely when waking up from a nap.  Nope, not ready to let go of that either.  I also see a few more car and truck days in our future...

My days have been full of these blue eyed boys..walking with them these past five years have lifted me up, made me happy, gave my life purpose and sometimes, I cried when they cried.  Life doesn't stop though. It marches to its own beat, just as my boys will do now.  I'll reset my schedule to fit theirs with the hopes that no matter how fast they grow, what they choose to do, they will always have the memories that we have created together.  Recently, when Liam and I were talking about him going to school, he did reassure me that " I would always be his best friend".  I loved that he gave me those words and I will hold him to it.  I know there are many more adventures in our future but none can compare to the "time spent" these last five years...so to my two little boys with the eyes of blue...I hope some great adventures come to you.  Today and tomorrow and all your life through...Nana and Papa will always love you...

A Train Ride to Boston

Here it comes Nana...here it comes...as he smiles big and tries to stay behind that yellow line...he has been waiting for this ride for a very long time...he actually reminded me that I said No...many times...but "today you said yes"...So off we all went on the big train to spend the day in Boston.  We are very fortunate that our town is one of the stops for getting into the city...40 minutes and we will be there...but first the ride.

Liam has ridden the train many times.  He practically knows all the stops on the way in but still he loves watching out the window and explaining everything to me as we pass all the highlights.  It's because of Liam that we are taking this trip...you see, it's our last Wednesday with the boys...probably for a very long time..Liam starts kindergarten next week and in our town, it's an all day affair, five days a week.  So as a special treat we took the boys to Boston...but you know, I've learned over the years, that we never take the boys anywhere, they always take us.  We just go along for the fun.  

So the train is now on it's way and Jaxson is talking to Papa...but as you can see Papa is busy doing I don't know what...but I had to include this photo because honestly, the look on Jaxson face, is priceless..and just so sweet. He loves his Papa so much.

I think when he didn't get Papa's full attention, he decided to take out his own camera and take photo's of the train...yes, each boy has their own camera and Liam is pretty good with his...but Jaxson is still learning...No one tells him to take his finger off the lens...at this point he just likes listening to the click of the shutter...and just so you know...Papa put away the phone after I gave him a little whack/nudge. 

After a wonderful and scenic ride into Town, we had a 15 minute walk to the Rose Kennedy Parkway...just built a few years ago.  It's a lovely place for families to come and be outside...the boys like the water park...and there is plenty of room for picnic's and running around.  Boston is not as big or as crazy as New York but in it's own way it has lots to offer...the best hospitals in the world, museums of the finest quality, lots of outdoor parks and restaurants and world class shopping and stage productions...it also hosts the Boston Gardens and Swan boats, which we did earlier in the year...and the Boston Common. One of our favorite sections though is the North End and that is where we took the boys this day and actually most days when we come into the city...and a little side note...we also claim Fenway Park.  The boys interest today was not on any of those things...it was all about these water fountains squirting up in the air.  Liam's favorite thing to do was to run through them, Jaxson favorite thing was to sit on them...and make the water squirt out his butt....go Jaxson.  So you get the picture...

Then sometimes they would team up and block the jets with their feet...they really had such a great time and the weather was perfect...but now it's getting to be time for some lunch.

After a quick walk to Fanueil Hall, where things are always hopping, we went to Regina Pizza for lunch.When you come to Boston you must have Regina Pizza...the original is on Hanover St...but this one is just as good...the boys love the cheese pizza...and inside Fanueil Hall there is always something going on, usually music..it's a happening place...

This is what was happening today while we were there...all of a sudden to our surprise and joy, the boys heard some very loud noise...and what to their wondering eyes and ears did appear but the US..Navy singing a song...very loud and very lively and very clear, lead by their Captain...marching right though Fanueil Hall. The boys eyes grew bigger and bigger the closer they got...and Liam, being my grandson, got out his camera and got the best shot...Jaxson just stood so still, he was in awe. He raised his hand to say goodbye when they passed...seems the USS Constitution let their employees of the ship today for a little showmanship and advertisment. We just loved it..those big booming voices.

After such a long and busy day...we really needed to start our walk back to get the train to go home...but you cannot come to Boston without going to Hanover St...for Gelato..so back through the park and down to the Italian section of town...where people still shop everyday in the hood.  I have a favorite tea and spice shop that I visit each time I come to the city...I can close my eyes and the smell in that shop takes me to a time where I can envision what the neighborhood would have been like...I've been coming to the North End since I was 16 years old..Jim went to school here and lived in the North End...oh but that's another story for another day...back to the boys and their Gelato...the perfect way to end this wonderful, memory filled day. Liam is falling alseep at the table...good thing we brought the carriage...

So, a train ride to Boston with the two boys.  I wonder when it will happen again..Liam is going to big boy school and his Nana is having a hard time with that...I have been so fortunate and I'm so very grateful for all the full time attention I have been able to share with him...I know he is ready and excited.  I am so happy for him but at the same time...I will miss our time together, just him and I and Papa and then Jaxson came along to join us.  We had our own little world and it was beautiful...I told Liam a few weeks back how much I was going to miss him..just having him a few hours a week now...and he didn't skip a beat when he looked at me and said..."it's o.k. Nana, your always going to be my best friend."...I guess that will have to do for now...tears running down my cheeks...

The adventures don't end here though...for a few more years we will have Jaxson.It's his turn now for some one on one with Nana and Papa, just like Liam's before him.and I'm sure he will be taking us places we never dreamed of going, and I'm sure there will be a few more train rides in there for us..