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A Gift...With Lessons

Did you ever receive a gift that was so special and wonderful that you almost didn't know how to respond to it..A gift that was not expected to give you lessons on life the longer you viewed it...all gifts are wonderful because they come from a place of love...some gifts come when you least expect them and you wonder why.

Four months ago..we received such a gift,  a second Grandson.   In all these four months I have not written about him much or even shared many photo's...I started thinking about that recently because I was feeling bad and I was afraid that time was slipping away and I didn't want to forget his birth and the leaps he has made since then.   I certainly remember the joy of my first gift of a Grandson almost three years ago.  I wrote about him constantly and took a million photo's or more..I made him a photo book with words and snaps for every month...yet I didn't do this for my precious Jaxson.

Why?? was what was making me crazy...why,  why,  why .I wonder now if it was because this lovely and wonderful blessing came so early...he came bounding into our world and hearts very early one summer morning, like a storm at sea.   He came in a hurry and created lots of fear, as well as joy, with his tiny little body as we all stood in awe of his arrival...I wanted to say..."go back Lil Sprout", you need to cook some more. It was not to be and so we were on a journey with him that at that moment, we could not see what would lie ahead. I think in the beginning of his little life it was fear that stopped me...don't write,  don't photograph, try not to love him to much...but then I saw his fighting spirit and I knew we would all help him in ways we were yet to learn because he was fighting for his right to be here...and so he started teaching us lessons,  right from day one.

Over the course of his four short months he has taught me the meaning, in real terms, of what fighting for ones life really means.   He showed such bravery and strength to get to where he is today..No amount of pain, tubes, tests and ultra sounds were going to stop him from coming home to all of us who waited for him..He adds new meaning to "letting it all hang out" as he laid in his little isolate each day with nothing on but a tiny diaper, seeking warmth from this little oven...he showed what having "just enough"really means when he was feed through his tube to get big and strong...not more than he needed to sustain himself,  but just enough. Then he learned how to work a binky and that was his treat. Mostly he showed us how to love him even when we were scared..He did that by always responding to  a warm touch on his little head and gentle pressure on his tiny belly..he would relax into the feeling of would comfort him, and us, as it was all that we had to give him..I learned that as he reached each marker, that I set for him in my mind, that he was really saying..."hold on Nana,  I'm getting there",  and when he did, I set another marker for him..and just like his big brother, as he grew, he to was pulling on my heart strings in every way.   

I did journal him through photo's but never posted any of those early days...I now know that I did it so that we could hold him close to us...I was not ready nor was his family, to let him go out to the big wide world...We wanted to contain him and keep him close and safe.  We wanted to protect him as he learned how to grow stronger. Today we still protect him...but it's more now so that he does not get an infection that could compromise his health. Those early day photo's are hard to look at but they are his journey and I will now put them in a album for him to have some day...I have a lot of catching up to do for him but the biggest and most lasting gift he has given me is the knowledge that if we fight hard enough and long enough and stay strong through it all, we can survive most anything...He might have been tiny but he always had a very big heart.  He instinctively knew our world was a great place to plant his feet and so he pushed forward everyday,  enduring whatever it took to come to know us and to claim his space on this planet, in this time, his time.   He is my hero...for ALWAYS.   

Today he is beautiful, smart and he knows how to get what he wants...he learned from the beginning that he was loved and he snuggles into life like his big brother snuggles into his blankie...when he looks into your eyes with his big bright ones, your heart will skip a beat as you realize how far he has come in a very short time...he is life affirming that goodness and love and Grace,  does indeed come in very tiny packages...and so I give you fair will be seeing and hearing much more about My Little Sprout as he continues to grow strong in the Barton/Crotty Garden.  He is blossoming more wonderfully everyday. So you see The Gift is Him...just as he is and always was. In the beginning he knew where he was going, he trusted the process, even when we weren't sure. I am sure now, that  he has many more Lessons to teach me...and I'm waiting with an open heart  to learn them.

Blessing Abound in Jaxson Lucas Barton...

The First Time I Held Him, Maybe 4 lbs. A connection was made..Love




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Reader Comments (3)

Hi Cheryl, he certainly is a little gift. I sit in his bay often with other little ones now, and somehow that bay brings me the sweetest babies. so glad to have met all of you! Loved your post on 911 too. Your very very talented!! ~Lisa

October 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa P

Dearest Cheryl . . .
I'm just all swelled up reading your beautiful words . . .
You have quite a few gifts, you know . . .
To be able to touch your readers in such an emotional way . . .
Thanks for sharing a part of your life and family with us . . .
Much love, always, Antoinette

October 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAntoinette

So touching, Cheryl, thanks for sharing !

November 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSylvia

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