Do The Trees Speak

Do the trees speak back to the wind

when the wind offers some invitational comment?

As some of us do, do they also talk to the sun?

I believe so, and if such belief need rest on the evidence, let me just say, Sometimes it's 

an earful.

But there's more.

If you can hear the trees in their easy hours

of course you can also hear them later,

crying out at the sawmill...

Mary Oliver.

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

"The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies, my love
To the dark and the endless skies" 

Dear Liam...the first time I saw your face was fifteen minutes after you were born.  Do you know that six years has gone by since that precious moment happened.  Do you know that today you are officially a big boy...I know, you think you have been a big boy for a long time, but today it is official.  Nana's know these kinds of things.  In the last year you have done more growing, added more activities to you list of "things I love to do"..and you have made so many wonderful friends..I bet some of them will even be your friend for a life time...It's how it starts, this building of your own life. The letting go of some of the old "time spent" to make way for your new "time spent activities.  You have so many to choose from.

You and I have been best friends for all of these last six years.  We have done so many exciting things together, sometimes just you and I...like our tea time adventures and going in the woods with our camera's, but sometimes we've done lots of things with just you, me and Papa.  Like Peabody Essex Museum, Boston on the Train and going to the Maine house.  Also, these last few years we've let Jaxson come along on our adventures...like when we go on the Duck tours or to the Christmas Village to see Santa.  Sometimes now we have to make a date if we want it to be just you and I because your life has gotten so busy.  I don't mind that, dates are good.  We plan and then we do.  Like when we planned our trip to the Lego Store and our latest plan is to go to the movies after your birthday.  Of course, we have to plan tea at the Tea House for your special birthday day treat.  We haven't been to the tea house in such a long time..

You have taught me so many new things over these many years...how to listen to your beautiful voice when you sing to me while you play your guitar.  How you can now tell bedtime stories really well because you have listened to me telling them to you for such a long time.  You are now teaching me how to color inside the lines in our new Secret Garden adult coloring book.  I love when we do that and you are teaching both Papa and I to play all our favorite games that we haven't played in so many years...like CandyLand, Shoots and Ladders, Go Fish and Crazy 8's.  I don't really think your teaching us the right way though, because somehow you always win.   It's worth the smile and laughter from you to be a loser in these situations...I'm hoping as you grow bigger and bigger you will teach me more things along the way, when you have time...

Do you know that we have been so lucky to have all this time together.  That for six years you have filled a space in my heart that I knew needed filling but I wasn't quite sure how it was going to happen, then there you were, that one night, six years ago in November.  You came and you fit perfectly in the  my empty space in my heart and it's been full of you and your love for all these years. You were born on Friday the 13th. Some say that Friday the 13th is a bad luck day.  I don't believe that's true because that's when you choose to come to us and we have been the luckies Grandparents ever.   I didn't know you knew how to fill empty spaces but you really are the best at it.  I think now though, you are helping Jaxson to take on some of your responsibilities of how to love a Nana and Papa...Your a very good teacher and brother.  

So Liam, this is more of a thank you birthday note rather than a Happy Birthday note.  That will come later when you come over for pizza and presents.  Thank you for the gift of you...for your love and attention.  For the laughter and tears.  More laughter than tears, I must say.  For the warm snuggles and sharing of fuzzies when you come for sleep overs...for Kayak rides and wandering in the woods with our camera's.  For loving the adventures of seeing the world together, you and I...and for never being bored.  For tea times and rocking times.  For story times and game times.  Mostly for the silly times and selfie funny faces that we don't share much because we both look so silly.  For song and dance and horses and dogs.  Thank you for it all.  I think it will be ok. to share a few of our favorite things from the last six years...you know, my peeps have watched you grow and have learned to love you also...so they would kind of expect us to toss a few photo's in on this most special day...I know you won't mind this year but pretty soon you might...so I better do it while I can...so just a few of so many that I have...of me and you.

 I love you, yes I do, my little boy with the eyes of blue...I love you every day when you come to my house and play...the song you and Jaxson most love, that I made up for you and we sing it every single nap day.

My little dress up guy...Nothing more fun than to have a closet full of dress up clothes...why did I always have to be the bad guy though???

Story time with Papa...you loved the light from the den door.  Your corner of your world.

Never mind "where's your coffee...where's your shoes"

Lots of time spent at the library...both here and in Maine.  I'm so happy you love real books...

One of our most favorite times together...tea at the Wenham Tea House.  Always special, always good conversations...I think really, I would have to pick this as my most special times with you...

Our shooting outings...Bradley Palmer State Park is one of our favorites...we have been know to get lost in there for hours...then lunch at the Agawan diner...yum.

Now after school you play soccer, baseball and tag football.  Your best friend, Parker is on a different team than you, but you both have so much fun.

And now we bring Jaxson...you are such a great big brother...

 

And always, good times at the Maine house...always and forever...

So Liam, as you change each year, growing taller and getting bigger and your circle of friends expands beyond me and Papa...know that you are loved to the "moon and back again"..to the "deepest part of the ocean" and the to the "highest star in the sky."..that will never change...because when you were born, so was a Nana and a Papa...and really, Sweet boy...you can never get rid of us...but more importantly, so that you will understand, how did I know that this year, in particular, you are truly a big boy....well this happened:

Yup, that big yellow school bus came...and took you away.  You know, before you were born, Nana was a school bus driver...and it was my job...to stop at all the big boy houses and take those little guys to school.  Once you ride on the big yellow bus you become special again to so many other people...your teachers, your new friends and even the bus driver....enjoy your days Liam...being a big boy is just the best thing...but don't forget every once in awhile to stop over and take Nana to tea...now that, you never have to give up.

Happy Birthday Lil Man... 

Always, for My Dad

If only I knew then, what I know now...I would have asked more questions, given more thanks for what you did and where you went, each time you left. I would have listen more later in life and given bigger hugs and I would have noticed the pride in which you held yourself whenever in the company of your fellow man...

I was but a small girl...and you were my Dad...I thought that was enough.  It wasn't...so each year, I give thanks for your time and the gift of freedom that you have given to me and countless others.  I decorate your grave and display your flag in my home...because, now I know...

The Boys...Catching UP

Catching up with the boys..It's now November and my little love bugs are just so busy...I have to make a date with Liam to catch up with him...He is approaching his 6 birthday soon.  I don't know who told him it was o.k. for him to turn six.  I've been telling him for years that it is not alright for him to keep getting bigger.  In spite of my words and big hugs, he refuses to stay small.  So now he goes to school each day on the big yellow bus...loving each moment that he is gone.  He is happy, healthy and friendly according to his teachers.  He working on his letters and his writing.  His days are busy.  Then on the weekends, he's up early for his soccer game in the morning and his football game in the afternoon.  Birthday parties and play dates fill out the rest of his week.  He takes his sports quite seriously and really likes to win.  If that doesn't happen, he moves on easily enough, usually with the promise of an ice cream from the ice cream truck. Then there is Tuesday. Nana/Papa day as the boys refer to it.  We still have our adventures but they are more low key now.  Snack time first, and a few minutes to relax until he builds up his energy to go outside and play with his friend across the street...He runs in and out now, checking to be sure we are close by but trying so hard to let go and become a bit more independent.  I'm liking that it is getting darker sooner now, the boys will have  to come in for tea and cookies before heading home with Mom in the late afternoon.  Even though we only have about an hour of quiet time, we still enjoy having them here and we welcome the noise, shoes, and jackets that fill the house in our short time together..  I'm holding on to Liam as tight as I can.  He is still my best friend...how do I know this, well, he tells me.  it's music to my ears...

Jaxson, Jaxson, Jaxson, he is doing such a great job of filling his big brothers sneakers. On Tuesdays we have him for the entire day.  He comes bounding in early, tossing his shoes and jacket, letting them land wherever they may and he's off with a million questions about everything. He's always so happy to be here and he loves his time alone with us.  I suspect though, that he misses Liam quite a bit.  He runs to greet Liam every afternoon when the bus drops him off, always wanting to know how his day went.  Jaxson  goes to nursery school three days a week so we won him for the Tuesday slot. It is such a nice time for us to have Jaxson to ourselves for these next few years...It's really special and we try to make him know how happy we are just to have him for ourselves...each week we plan an adventure geared just for him.  First though, he has to go to his swimming lessons.  Last year it was not his favorite activity but this year he loves it and has become a bit competitive.  He's such a small guy, looking so impressive as he stands on the edge of the diving board to take his turn on jumping in...wow..At the end of each lesson, he gets a treat out of the vending machine...a favorite part of his day...and if you ask him how he did at swim...he responds with a resounding, "I did great"...yes, every week.  We do go off somewhere for lunch or to Barnes and Noble but my favorite part of Tuesdays with Jaxson is nap time...yes, when he's here we still do nap time.  Not so much for him but for me...for the snuggles and stories, his and mine. For the kisses and squeezes...I know I'm holding on to them perhaps a bit longer than necessary but I can't let go just yet...soon...but not yet. I love rubbing his hair and smelling him..I love scratching his back as he arches it for more...so many things still to capture that remind me of his babyishness...that is quickly leaving.   He knows he's a big boy now, he will tell you that.  Soon, very soon, it will all be true...

Last week I was able to get them to come with me to my favorite flower garden..Long Hill.  The sun was bright, the colors vibrant and the breeze warm.  They ran, looked for frogs in the ponds and climbed all the walls.  The laughed out loud as they caught each other...and made fun of me as I was going glow...if the camera came up, Jaxson would stop and say "cheese"...Liam is over that.  It was one of those days that reminded me, in the moment, of how grateful I was for these boys.  For the fact that they live so close by. For the warm fuzzy feeling that only a beautiful fall day brings...for the gift of breath and laughter and legs to run on...So, although I know where this road is headed, I will still live each day with the boys like it will never end.  Nothing wrong with living with a bit of denial every once in awhile. After all, I'm just a kid at heart also...

In another way...this is also my thank you to all of you...who have come on this journey with me.  You have watched the boys grow, and support my time on this blog with them..Your friendship and attention to them and me has been wonderful...keep stopping by, because there will always be more to this story...in has no ending as far as I know....👀  I've got my eye on them and on all of you...

Moments

There are moments that cry out to be fulfilled.

Like, telling someone you love them.

Or giving your money away, all of it.

Your heart is beating, isn't it

Your not in chains are you.,.

There is nothing more pathetic than caution

when headlong might save a life

even, possibly, your own.. Mary Olive..Felicity

Don't Worry

Don't Worry

Things take the time they take.  Don't worry.

How many roads did St. Augustin follow

before he became St. Augustine?

Mary Oliver....Felicity