My Boy

Two boys, two birthdays, two days apart.  Each deserving of their own space here on my blog...two boys, 35 years apart but so similar in so many ways...both gentle, kind and loving.

The one difference here is that you all know so much about Liam and Jaxson and also, on a smaller scale you know of my daughter Jenna..Chris, well he has never gotten very much "air" time and so today is his day.

His journey in life has been varied. He has experienced many unique jobs along his path to find himself and his work of passion...at 40, I am comfortable in saying that I think he has arrived and his life choice is a great gift to so many.  Along the way he was always growing in the direction of teaching, writing and living a quieter, more gentle life than most of us...at least those of us in his family...While he was plotting his way, I was always amazed by his dedication to whatever he was working on at the moment..and his dedication has paid off.  He now owns his own Yoga and Meditation studio.  Harbor Yoga was born almost two years ago now and it has grown and expanded with wonderful programs under Chris's leadership. It is truly a most amazing gift when someone comes up to me and tells me how much my son has helped a child of their's come out of their dark space into a beautiful light...he is a mentor of the finest degree.

Of course none of this is really a surprise to me as I have been watching him grow and change. I live with his love and compassion on a daily basis...even when he was a young boy he was kind and gentle to most everyone...and there were times when I wished he would have bopped a few kids on the head...but he always did it his way.  His love of animals follows him around, leaving tracks behind him.  Family is important to him as well as nature...and together we have spent many hours in the forest collecting, both memories, sounds, sights and stillness. So to be doing the work he is now doing feels right and fitting.  I have learned a lot from Chris over these past few years...and at 40 he is his own person, living life on his own terms and really getting it.  He gets that life is meant to be lived in the moment...and he understands why "being still" is important..and healing.  He's built a practice on these principles and it's working, even for a fast paced person like me.  

What I love most about Chris is that he gets me.  Most people never really have someone that knows their core.  Most parents I think, never really know what a child thinks about them...and if they do, rarely do they express it..it's a difficult process I think.  I have two children, a girl and a boy...they both get me on a different level...but with Chris it's more personal I think...he sees the inside and is able to communicate it in ways that make one understand that he is paying attention..his thoughtfulness in words and gifts are stunning.  Never one for commercialism for the most part..often times his gifts are handmade, with deep thought for the receiver...

Two years ago for Christmas I received this print from Chris...I opened it and thought it was gorgeous and thoughtful.  A very nice print of a teapot and some Chinese writing...what I didn't know from the start was that Chris found the print somewhere, thought of me, and from there the gift grew in his mind, hands and heart.  He brought it home and working in the workshop with his Dad, they matted it and then made the frame out of beautiful wood..a semi-home gift.  The writing on Chris's card though it what made me understand that he see's me in a way that I didn't see myself...an awakening for me.  

The story goes...a Chinese folk-tale: the man loved tea so much he decided to live in a teapot! His story symbolizes the importance of doing what we love. "If you find something that makes you happy, do that." The deeper meaning of the man's decision to live inside the teapot is simply to do whatever makes you happy, make such things the focus of your life.  I see you living this way too, Mom, "inside the tea pot."  Two things...I was blown away that he saw me in this way...but when I thought about it...most days it's true..and secondly in these years of retirement, I don't want to waste a minute, so I read this note often...to remember that it is ok. to do what you love..to do what makes you happy.  There are days when life is not so gentle with us..but we have to be able to push on...and this Chinese folk tale delivers that beautiful message...and of course the tea pot...was perfect for me.

I think one of the reasons I am grateful for being given these early golden years, is to see the fruits of our labor with our children and grandchildren...there really is no greater accomplishment to me...than to know that my kids are well and compassionate and know their own minds and hearts...that they go out into the world each day trying to do good.  Beyond that if you have a few times when you know that your son or daughter "gets you" and approves, now that's a gift all in itself...

So as Chris is now on his own path...like Liam, I will continue to watch over him, support him in all he does, laugh with him and enjoy his adult company.   From the day he was born he has been finding his way...and finally, he is there...Namaste Chris...Happy Birthday....Love Mom

"Goodness is the only investment that never fails."  Henry David Thoreau

"A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and in all things, and

who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life,  knowing that in this world no one is all knowing and

therefore all of us need both love and charity."...Eleanor Roosevelt

To The Moon and Back

If you were to ask Liam what that expression means he would tell you that that is how much my Nana loves me...and he would be right..I have been telling him this each time I see him, for five years now..I am having a hard time wrapping myself around the fact that he is turning five..I remember, like it was yesterday, the first time I held him, in a hospital room, thirty minutes after he was born. From that very first moment, he stole my heart and has never let go..In this last five years he has grown into a lovely little boy...full of life, laughter and love.  He has given us so much joy and happiness.  

Both Papa and I have so many wonderful shared  moments with him to smile about..we cherish each visit with him and have been so privileged to have had him each week in our care.  Next year he will be in kindergarten all day, making friends and beginning his "big boy" adventures...and although we will continue to be important to him...he will grow into his own little person...so for the rest of this year, I will hold him close, enjoy the bond that we have formed and wait and watch to see how he  expands his horizon. 

I know you have seen so many photo's of him over the years...but I just couldn't let this day go by without a few of my favorites as he's grown.  Time spent..that's the gift we have cherished the most  with him...and now Jaxson. I always wanted to be a Grandmother but honestly, I never knew it was going to be this special...it takes some of the sting out of "maturing..

How quickly the years have flown by, like a lazy Sunday afternoon...I look at him now and know that he moves on in confidence and a sense of his own self...so as he rides off, leaving his toddler hood behind, Papa and I will always be on the sidelines, watching and loving him..Ah these kids, what a great ride they both have given us...I think we'll sign up for another year of learning and laughing with them.

Happy Birthday Lil Man....

"It's the little moments, that make life big"..Kobi Yamada

"If you want to keep your memories, first you have to live them." Bob Dylan

LIL MAN'S BUSY DAY

We Remember

Gate to the American cemetery in France...Always for my Dad...and all others who have served.

 “Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country's cause. Honor, also, to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field and serves, as he best can, the same cause.” 

― Abraham Lincoln

Mt. Rainier National Park

Mt. Rainier,early morning, with the fog starting to rise...we were fortunate the day we arrived to have a bright sunny day...I am told this is not that common and many come and never see the peak...Mt. Rainier was another big draw for us heading to the Pacific Northwest...so after I took care of finding out about my Mom and Dad...we spent a day and a half at Mt. Rainier..I am never more at home that when I am surround by the ocean and the mountains...it is a beautiful and peaceful combination. In the Pacific Northwest, like my home, you get them both.  This was the view when we arrived in the early morning.  Big puffy marshmallow clouds, blue skies and a snow capped beauty..  I was very excited to back in the deep woods again...with a mountain leading the way.

Before heading to far into the park we came across the beautiful Narado Falls...I have already posted one photo from there with the bridge included...this shot was taken from above the bridge looking down into the falls...since we were there in October we didn't have to fight any crowds...what a delight to have the park practically to ourselves...giving us the time and space we wanted to enjoy all that surrounded us.

Moving further on and it is now about an hour later...we could see the mist and fog leavign the mountain..it was heart stopping beautiful...so many photo's  were taken.  Twice Jim and I have experienced full mountain views of mountains that don't usually come out to play...the first was Mt. McKinley in Alaska and now this..I truly believe the mountain Gods are always with us...and we never take it for granted, especially on this trip, where most days in the fall are rainy and we had our fair share of those...but on the days it really mattered we got the sun that we needed and love...once when visiting my Mom and Dad's church and then again at Mt Rainier...after that it was all down hill with rain...especially in Portland Oregon. So a bit of history for you if you care to know about Mt Rainier from Wikipedia...

Mount Rainier National Park is a United States National Park located in southeast Pierce County and northeast Lewis County in Washington state.^[3] It was established on March 2, 1899 as the fifth national park in the United States. The park encompasses 236,381 acres (369.35 sq mi; 956.60 km²)^[1] including all of Mount Rainier, a 14,410-foot (4,390 m) stratovolcano.^[4] The mountain rises abruptly from the surrounding land with elevations in the park ranging from 1,600 feet to over 14,000 feet (490 - 4,300 m). The highest point in the Cascade Range, around it are valleys, waterfalls, subalpine meadows, old-growth forest and more than 25 glaciers. The volcano is often shrouded in clouds that dump enormous amounts of rain and snow on the peak every year and hide it from the crowds that head to the park on weekends.

So now that you have the info and can check it out at your own time...I'll just give you a few more views of the first morning we were there...as time goes by, I'm sure I'll be sharing more of my favorite stops with you..I would recommend Mt. Rainier park to all who have not walk the paths here. It is truly a natural marvel...when we come again it will be in the spring..I have to see those wildflowers that bloom here.

I even found a heart in the mountain...I think she knows I love her also..can you see it.

Mt. Rainier is part of the Cascade mountain range...I think I read somewhere that it is the tallest peak of that range...you can see it from wherever you might be driving...

Reflection Lake, where if your very early, you can see Mt Rainier reflected here...we were not that early but non-the less it was a most beautiful spot...I loved the color in all the little bushes...and once again the clouds were rolling away...we were really amazed at how fast the clouds would cover and uncover the mountain..it would get so dark and dreary and you'd think it was going to rain for sure then within minutes the sun would shine and the clouds would move on...this happened all day long.

Another view of Reflection Lake...looking away from the mountain..it reminded me a bit of the Bow River in the Canadian Rockies...

Late afternoon as we were leaving the park on our first day...we found this view of the Cascade Range...magic hour light and just layers and layers of mountains and clouds...

This day was a gift to us...in a lifetime you don't get many like this..where nature and fate share a date to bring you such beauty it's hard for your heart to hold it all..I never take these times from granted..knowing that the world is showing me that even though life has it's ups and downs...there is still so much natural goodness that can never be taken away from us...the woods, mountains and oceans sustain me in all that I do...it's where Being Still has real meaning.  Nature provides you with all you need to just slow down, take it in and then take it home with you....

"Of all the fire mountains, like beacons, once blazed along the Pacific Coast, Mount Rainier is the noblest in form"...John Muir...

"Earth and sky, woods and fields, lakes and rivers, the mountain and the sea, are excellent schoolmasters, and teach some of us more than we can ever learn from books." John Lubbock

The Kiss...Part 2

Once upon a time there was a young girl with a big love for her Navy man...but so many obstacles stood  in her  way.  Once upon a time stories, are usually fairy tales, but not this time.  That young, pretty girl, found her courage and stood her ground against all the forces that were against her, all the people that would have tried to persuade her not to go...but instead she followed her heart, across this country,  at what expense I do not know. Not only did she go and find her man, she married him.  That brave girl was my Mom and if you read the original blog post of the Kiss, you will be familiar with why part 2 in necessary.

I came across the beginning of the story after finding the above photo in my Father's belongings after he died. A few years after that I had taken a trip to San Diego and saw the statue of the Kiss.  I read the placque and saw the dates and at that moment I knew that those were the times my Mom and Dad would have been involved with each other but I didn't know the story of their marriage, although I did know it was in Seattle..so when the photo's emerged I started my journey to follow my Mom and try to recreate, as best I could, her journey to reach her man.  All I had was a photo, my aunt who filled me in a bit and the internet to get me started. Without these photo's I would still not know of my Mother's journey both figuratively and personally.

The very first thing I did was look up St. Benedict's church, Seattle Washington.  Amazingly it was there. I made a phone call to be sure that it was still a parish church, it was and I wrote down the address...and then I added Seattle Washington to my bucket list.  Two weeks ago, with that photo in hand and my Father's date of  March 1945 on the back, a phone number for the church...Jim and I were on our way.  It was a surreal experience for me..because my Mom never shared this part of her journey with any of us kids...and I was feeling sad about that...but off I went.

  

We arrived in Seattle Washington after two long years of waiting and it couldn't have been more beautiful..after checking into our hotel..I was eager to get off to finish this journey both for me and for my Mom.  On a tree lined, neighborhood street, with the color of fall and sunlight all around me , we found our destination, St. Benedict's church. I was both nervous and excited to see what I would discover.  The first thing was that the church looked nothing like the church in my photo and my heart skipped a beat thinking I was to late.  I'm not sure I would have handled that very well.  Instead what I found was the school...that school matched my photo.  Well, I was happy for that bit.  Next we were shown to the office of the Administrative Assistant and I do believe God had a hand in my finding her, and this is where I learned of my parents marriage...when Becky pulled out the old, very large, record book I was holding my breath that their names would not be in there.  They were, but surprisingly enough..they were married on February 2, 1945, not in March as my Father had dated the photo..we were able to find out about their baptism's and also who stood up for them. It turns out they were friends of my Dad's.. I felt like I had come home in some small way.  Their presence was very strong that day and at the that time in particular...Becky,and another lovely lady and I talked of what that journey would have been like and how my Mom could even have gotten married there because she was not Catholic.  I had always thought she was married in that church but they were most likely married in the Pastor's office or another room..she would not have been allowed to marry in the church santuary at that time...and one last surprise..my grandfather, whom we always knew as Alfred was not Alfred at all but William...but I'm not going to chase that mystery.

I came a long way to find the roots of my Mother and Father...and I felt good about knowing that some stories I heard were not true and that they really just wanted to be together...so with photo in hand Jim and I went and stood where they stood, the same way that they stood because they wanted to show those naysayers that yes, indeed they were married.  So their rings were the focus of that original photograph. The building was the same..but a bench was added and the Mass sign was removed when the new church was built...but we stand in their spot...finally.

I sat for awhile on that bench and I thought of my Mother's journey...and I felt so sad for her...she had no one to support her, to be with her as she wed the love of her life...and although my parents did divorce much later, I do believe they had that one love that we are all hoping for.  She traveled during war time, most likey on a train for many days..a young, beautiful woman alone. It was a bittersweet moment for me, in the coming to be in her spot...almost like I was telling her I wish I could have been there for her..cheering her on for her bravery and knowing her own mind...making her own dreams come true...I even wish that many years later she could have shared this with me, trusting that I would have understood her need to go.  I do believe that back in those days...so many things were so private...but I'm thinking that if she were to see this post it would set her free, just as it sets me free now.  It also gives me a much better understanding of those time and a what a truly strong woman she was...as Becky and I were pondering this journey and I was questioning my Mom's coming and then the eventual divorce...Becky said to me..."she came because she loved your Dad...that's all you really need to know...she loved him".. And that is my take away from this trip...Once upon a time...a young girl headed west...and many years later her daughter found her.

Anthem

by Jim Daniels

Two months after retirement 
my father is here, to get away 
from 6 A.M. and his cup 
of empty destination. 

At a football game we huddle 
under his umbrella
talking about the obvious. 
He brings me coffee 
to hold warm between my hands, 
a gift of no occasion. 

When we rise for the anthem 
I hear the rusty crack of his voice 
for the first time maybe ever. 

Thirty-three years of coughing 
thick factory air, of drifting to sleep 
through the heavy ring of machinery, 
of twelve-hour days. In my sleep 
I felt the cold bump of his late-night kiss.

I shiver in the rain 
as my father sings me 
what now I hear as 
a children's song. I lean into him, 
the umbrella and rain my excuse, 
my shoulder against his, 
and I imagine my mother 
falling in love.

"A sight, an emotion, creates this wave in the mind, long before it makes words to fit it." Virginia Woolf.

Two notes...a special thank you to Becky Ortiz from St. Benedict's for her help in researching this marriage and also a thank you to the other girl who took us around and told of stories of those days and how it might have been...I am so sorry I didn't get her name...

Finally...check out my Mom's shoes...how cool are they...so glad she had them.  Probably why I'm like I am...